Welcome to the innocent webnews // 22nd April 2016 // issue #173
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how to behave
Happy Birthday, Liz
It's not every day that Queen Elizabeth II has a birthday. It's twice a year, actually, because Your Highness gets double the birthdays of your average subject - one official, one unofficial. We like to think she uses the official one for public appearances and waving and the unofficial one for meeting up with mates and shooting darts down the Crown & Corgi. This year she's having a big couple of birthdays because she's turning ninety, so, to celebrate, we've made a list of ninety things about the Queen:

1. She always dresses like she's ready to crash a wedding
2. She's single-handedly keeping the telegram industry in business
3. She had a corgi called Susan
4. She always works on Christmas Day
5. She stops people eating swans

If you've got a spare fifteen minutes to kill you can read all ninety here.
super smoothies
super new bottles
When people say they've bottled it, it's usually a bad thing. Like when you were little and got to the top of the big slide but were then too scared to go down it. Or when you consider ordering the new thing off the Nando's menu but find yourself saying 'chicken burger' at the counter like the last eighteen times. But we've bottled it in a good way. We've taken our super smoothie cartons and transformed them into sparkly* new bottles. Now we just need you to try them. Don't bottle it.

*not actual sparkles. Sparkles of the mind.
marathon signs
run, humans, run
Running a marathon is impressive. Not as impressive as wrestling a shark or bringing the Dodo back from extinction but it's up there. So, to all you runners out there running the London Marathon on Sunday, we just want to say good luck. May your leg muscles carry you home. And if you've opted out of completing a twenty-six mile jog, you could always pop down with one of our signs to cheer on the runners as they pass by in a sweaty blur. Be sure to look out for the guy who forgot his nipple plasters. He needs extra cheers.
Adam's diagram
drinker of the week
Adam got in touch on Twitter with an idea for a tea smoothie that is simultaneously both hot and cold. Great idea, we thought, until we realised that Adam had forgotten about a little thing called the law of thermodynamics. But Adam wasn't about to be put off by the tiny matter of substantiated physics, so he decided to prove his concept would work by drawing this very scientific diagram. It seems all it would take is a bottle with two compartments and some liquid nitrogen. Sounds simple enough. How did we not think of this sooner?
Tom Jones
inside fruit towers
What's new, pussycat? Well, somebody stuck a Tom Jones album on the wall, which is a bit odd. All week we've been trying to guess who might do this to the green, green grass of Fruit Towers. Given the demographic of Tom's fans, we're guessing that she's a lady. But there's no sense in burning down the house about it. After all, while albums on walls aren't a common sight in Fruit Towers, they're not unusual.
and finally
cat meets dogs   brave midwife   important research
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