Welcome to the innocent webnews // 14th October 2016 // issue #191
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nothing is as it seems
The button you press at pedestrian crossings to make the traffic lights turn red doesn’t work. It’s not even wired up. It’s just there to give the illusion of control in an otherwise unfathomable universe. And did you know that pineapples are neither pines nor apples? Or that Ryan Gosling isn’t a baby goose? And sweet breads couldn’t be further away from being sweet bread if they tried? It would be easy to think that false promises are everywhere, but some things do exactly what they say they do – like a fireplace, or a rabbit hole, or Ronseal Anti-Condensation Paint. And in this innocent news we promise you news of the innocent variety. Because we’re simple folk, and the universe is unfathomable enough as it is.
innocent Big Knit
the Big Knit is back
When we first came up with the idea for the Big Knit in 2003, we weren’t sure if anybody would want to knit hats for smoothie bottles. We were surprised but very happy to receive 3,500 hats through the post that year, and things have spiralled out of control pretty quickly since then. So far, our incredible army of knitting volunteers have stitched and purled 6 million hats, helping us raise nearly £2m for Age UK to keep older people warm and well in the winter months. And for this year’s Big Knit, we’re after more hats than ever before, so we’re asking for your help once again. Think you could knit a hat or two? Head here to get started.
shake it
drinker of the week
Many prominent people have told of the power of shaking. Taylor Swift told us repeatedly to “shake it off”, while Kelis claimed that her milk-based shake was so expertly made that it often encouraged young men to frequent her garden. Bilal also realised the importance of shaking this week, when he bought a bottle of our orange juice with bits, only to discover said bits were missing. After venting his frustration to us on Twitter, he discovered that the only thing missing was a shake of the bottle before he’d opened it. We’ve all been there, Bilal. We’ve all been there.
motivational banana
inside fruit towers
This week we found this motivational note on a banana in the communal fruit bowl. It was a lovely anonymous gesture, but how could the author be sure we were actually working hard and not, for instance, messing about posting pictures of bananas on Facebook? Maybe there is something in the idea of leaving motivational notes on pieces of fruit though. “You’re doing a grape job”, “that presentation you did last week was pearfect”, “your conditional formatting skills on Excel are cherry good indeed.” You get the idea.
and finally
nominative determinism   lunchtime post-its   hours of fun
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