Welcome to the innocent webnews // 30th September 2016 // issue #190
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Duck on the loose
is it the end of the world?
A giant inflatable duck spotted on the loose in Scotland. Channel 4 paying £75 million for a gazebo and a middle-aged man in boot cut jeans. And, most shockingly, Nasa’s announcement that star signs are actually pretty unscientific. It’s a weird and confusing world out there beyond your double glazing, which is why we think it’s important to remember that there are some things in life you can always rely on. Like American chocolate tasting rubbish. Or taking at least twenty minutes to move an image in Microsoft Word. And our drinks being packed full of good stuff and nothing else. You might not be the quintessential Aquarius you thought you were and a giant duck could be heading your way sometime soon, but you can rest easy knowing that the best things in life (smoothies) haven’t changed a bit.
Uplift super smoothie
berry'd treasure
Lots of big things are powerful. Like the ocean. And tractors. But small things can be powerful too. Ants can bench press five thousand times their own body weight. It’s silly to underestimate the strength of little things. Like the berries and cherries in our new Uplift super smoothie. They may be small but they pack a zesty punch. Which is why we blended them with baobab & flax seeds and added a few extra vitamins to create a drink that’s both healthy and tasty. Small but mighty. And available in all good drinks-selling outlets now.
the Big Knit
it's time to knit
Back in 2003 we had an idea. We asked people to knit tiny woolly hats so we could put them atop our smoothies. For each one sold, we made a donation to Age UK to help keep older people warm in winter. This year we’re hoping to put more hats on our bottles than ever before so, to kick this year’s Big Knit off in style, we’re heading to the Knitting & Stitching Show in Alexandra Palace from 5 - 9 October. We’ll have some simple designs if you fancy having a go, or you can drop off hats you’ve knitted at home. Hope to see you there.
Callahan's drawing
drinker of the week
We’ve decided that carrying out market research to find out how people prefer to drink our smoothies is a waste of time. Instead, we find out everything we need to know from the unsolicited drawings they send in through the post. This week, we received a particularly insightful one from a little drinker called Callahan clearly showing that their favourite way to enjoy our smoothies is to dispense them into a massive industrial vat and drink them through a large piece of piping while being suspended above a two legged chair. Very enlightening, Callahan. We’ve added vats and piping to our shopping list just for you.
Fi-nominal Fiona
outside fruit towers
Our Fiona is a bit of a hero. In the past she’s rowed oceans, run marathons, and climbed mountains, so we weren’t all that surprised when she told us she was taking on the Strive Challenge. To complete it, she has to travel over 2000km in 30 days, from the base of the Matterhorn to the summit of Mount Etna, and do it all using only human power. So far, she’s hiked, cycled and swam, but she still has to cycle some more, run a bit and then finish on another hike before she makes it to Sicily. She’s completely crazy, but also incredible. Keep going, Fi. You can do it.
and finally
bottle garden   free coconut water for your office   rubbish sculptures