Welcome to the innocent webnews // 9th December 2016 // issue #195
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the Christmas future
It's December. Christmas is coming. All chocolate is now served in individually-wrapped miniature form and you can't walk into a supermarket without purchasing at least a kilo of cheese. Here are a few other things that will definitely happen this festive season:

1. Mariah Carey will only want one thing
2. 65% of TV programs will feature Michael Bublé
3. A post-lunch board game will ignite a family feud
4. All liquids will be served mulled
5. You'll end up with at least two shower gel gift sets
6. You'll rekindle your love of 'Only Fools and Horses'
7. 'Top of the Pops' will make a one-day comeback
8. A child will cry because the batteries weren't included
9. 87% of photos you see will be captioned with 'It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas'
10. You’ll eat your body weight in chocolate/mince pies/cheese boards/all of the above
Send a Cow
a time for giving
Deciding what to get someone for Christmas can be tricky. Whether you go for socks, earmuffs or a copy of 'Sharknado' on DVD, it’s probably going to be something they don't really need. To avoid adding to the Christmas day clutter, UK-based charity Send a Cow are running a campaign to encourage us all to give different kinds of gifts this year. Simply head to their website, choose a present, they'll send out a gift pack (or e-card), and your gift will go to a family in Africa where it can really make a difference. Good tidings all round.
Christmas juice
season's juice-ings
Oranges are the official fruit of Christmas. Whether they're lining the bottom of your stocking or topping up your glass of fizz to make that 9am drink more acceptable, they're an essential part of the Christmas experience. So, in honour of Christmas, we've decided to make some orange juice. "But haven’t you been making orange juice since 2008?" we hear you ask. "Stop ruining this brilliant marketing opportunity," is our response. Merry Christmas, everyone. Now go buy some orange juice.
Esther's smoothie lantern
drinker of the week
Cosy lighting is an essential part of the general snugness of Christmas. Candles, fairy lights, flaming puddings...and lanterns fashioned out of our kids smoothie packaging. We didn't know such a thing was possible, but a few weeks back Esther sent in this photo of her smoothie box magically transformed into a very convincing pirate ship lantern. After we saw it, we couldn't resist having a go ourselves. Suffice to say, Esther's was much better than ours. Maybe we should follow her example and use a fake candle next time. That fire extinguisher made a bit of a mess on the carpet.
advent crime scene
Inside Fruit Towers
On Monday 5th December, the advent calendar chocolate of an innocent employee was ruthlessly stolen from her desk. Zena was on annual leave when the incident occurred, which unfortunately is a very common time for crimes of this nature to take place. When she returned, she found the windows broken into and the contents removed. Her deskmates have all been questioned and subsequently eliminated from the investigation, but unfortunately we are no closer to catching the culprit. Please be aware that the thief is still at large and presumed armed with chocolate and extremely full.
and finally
gritty pun   Is it a panto?   Christmas party recovery