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The Legend Of The Lost Blog Posts

The year is 3197.

Intrepid cyber-archaeologist Cindy Anna-Jones had devoted her life to uncovering the mysteries of the past. But one mystery had always evaded her. Everyone said it was just a myth. She was determined to find the truth.

She’d recently stumbled upon something called “The Internet”. It seemed to have been abandoned since the early 22nd century, when humankind invented Taste-o-vision.

Hidden amongst cat videos, selfies, and a gif of someone blinking, Cindy discovered something unlike anything she’d ever seen before.

The innocent website.

“innocent, I know that name,” she whispered to herself. “Didn’t they save the world from the first zombie apocalypse? And then accidentally cause another one?”

“Yes,” replied her Smart Cat, Alexion, before returning to licking himself.

Cindy kept digging. Drink recipes. Joke Generators. The original yellow-prints for the world’s very first wee-ometer… The website was a treasure trove of strangeness.

And, deep in the depths, laid a blog. It featured everything from innocent’s foundation work, to a rather guilty apology for the whole second zombie outbreak thing.

She scrolled back further, further, until she was over 1100 years into the past. And then, she found it.

A gap.

Not just any gap. The gap.

The gap the legends had whispered about. The gap where the innocent blog just…stopped. It was right where the legends had said it would be, between July 2017 and January 2018. Then it restarted as if nothing had happened.

The only hint to what once might have been was January’s first entry. It was simply titled “Has anyone seen our last five blog posts?”

This was it. This was the proof that Cindy had been searching for all this time. The Legend Of The Lost Blog Posts was true.  Five blog posts had been lost from time and forgotten about like a password you had literally just created.

What had happened to the blog posts?

What secrets did they contain?

Why were they lost?

Or were they never actually written at all? It’s a mystery.

messing about as boats

When you hold a desert island themed fancy dress party, you assume most people will grab a Hawaiian shirt and stick a flower in their hair. You don’t expect a whole team to come dressed as a pirate ship, complete with side cannons and a golden body painted figurehead, but that’s exactly what our Contract Management Team decided to do. 

Our Sam was asked to dress as ‘starboard’ so his wife, Mrs Woollet who teaches class Cedar 3 at Highwood Primary School, helped put his costume together. Her class were very disappointed that Sam’s bit of the boat didn’t win a prize (we forgot to award any) so they made a few themselves. 

 

Great mateys, the lot of you.

a tale of two Lizos

We talk to loads of people on Twitter. There’s Kyle who seems to really like Grand Theft Auto, there’s Mark who turns into Wayne from Wayne’s World, there’s Heidi who once sent us a load of delicious brownies in a wooden box her boyfriend made, and there’s Not Lizo.

Not Lizo’s twitter account used to be @not_LizoMzimba helping to distinguish them from the ex-host of Newsround, Lizo Mzimba. So, to make sure we didn’t get the two of them confused, we referred to @not_LizoMzimba simply as ‘Not Lizo’. It was a good system. It worked. We didn’t mix them up once.

Not Lizo recently changed their Twitter name to ConfusedSpoons but we carried on calling them Not Lizo, just in case we forgot who they are (and who they aren’t). It’s a good job we did because the other day, when we were talking to Not Lizo, the real Lizo Mzimba somehow came across the conversation.

It’s just like Inception but instead of going into people’s dreams to steal something it’s more like us getting genuinely a bit starstruck by someone a lot of us grew up watching on TV.

Of course, the question now is who’s the real Lizo Mzimba? Is it the one with the verified Twitter account or was it Not Lizo all along? Is this whole conversation an elaborate set-up? If so, for what end? We’re onto you, Lizos. Whatever you’re planning, we’ll stop it.

 

fruit fishing in Costa Rica

A few weeks back, Mario and Easton from our Fruit Team travelled over to sunny Costa Rica in search of the best tasting bananas, oranges and pineapples to crush into our drinks.

 

First stop: bananas. Here they are growing upwards on the trees, casually defying gravity.

 

While a lot of plants are happy to sit about in the soil twiddling their thumbs all year, bananas are actually walking plants. In one banana plant there are three generations; the grandmother, who produces the first bunch of tasty bananas, the mother who gives the next bunch and several sons who grow at the bottom, next to the mother. The farmer will choose the son in the best location and the family will rotate every year. They end up walking about forty centimetres, which isn’t quite a marathon winning pace but is still pretty good for a plant.

Mario and Easton didn’t mess about when it came to their own walking either. One of the farms they visited was the size of 3000 football pitches, and contained 412,000 orange trees (we don’t think they managed to see them all).

And, if you thought that was impressive, another farm they stopped at was growing 46,800,000 pineapples at various stages of maturity. That's a lot of pineapples.

 

If you fancy getting your own pineapple population going, you can plant one in the garden by cutting off the crown, removing some of the lower leaves and popping it in the ground. The only downside is you’ll need warm and sunny conditions (good luck), and patience as they take about twelve months to grow.

So, unless you’ve got a spare pineapple sauna lying about and a bit of time to kill before next summer, it’s probably best to leave the growing to us.