Thoughts from category: fruit towers

the 4th floor stapler - the story so far

As these things often do, it started with a minor act of rebellion. A person pushed by circumstance into an act they never thought they’d be capable of. One morning, driven over the edge by one label too many, they grabbed the fourth floor stapler and took it to the second floor. The world would never be the same again.

It gave them an adrenaline rush. The kind they hadn’t had since they went scrumping for apples as a teenager, clearing the fences at Old Man McCarthy’s farm with a single vault. They quickly put the stapler back, panting for breath. The week went on, they couldn’t get it out of their mind. Nothing else compared. Everyone in fruit towers was talking about it. Who was the daring renegade who’d taken the fourth floor stapler to the second floor?

So they did it again but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t new. It wasn’t exciting. There was only one thing for it. They took the stapler to Cambridge. 

Then they too it to see a donkey. They were out of control.

And then, in a day of madness which will go down in history, they took it to The Ritz.

Meanwhile, the fourth floor was slowly falling apart. Their stapler was missing, nobody knew what to do. Vital documents that needed to be kept together were drifting apart. Desks were filling up with loose documents. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

But the stapler stealer didn’t care. They barely even noticed. But the UK wasn’t enough for them anymore. Oh no. They needed to go further. They needed to go European. And then one day, while thinking about some of their favourite things, inspiration hit them. The answer was obvious. The Sound of Music museum in Salzburg.

But then even Europe wasn’t enough. Almost as if the stapler was being passed from colleague to colleague, America came calling. What better place for someone on the run with a stapler than the land of freedom, opportunity, baseball, tall buildings and Disney World?

Back in England, a hole punch tried to get involved. It didn’t work out. Nobody paid much attention.

Back on the fourth floor, paper was everywhere. With no way of properly filing their work, the staff had descended into chaos. They lost track of time, they forgot to go home, they broke off into two warring factions. One defending the photocopier, the other prized the nice big corner window overlooking the canal.

It was hard for the stapler thief to care about all this from their sauna in Helsinki.

And One Direction helped them remain oblivious to the trouble they’d caused back in the office.

They even took the stapler scuba-diving. Their constant need for adrenaline making them risk the life of the stapler itself* by exposing it to elements that could rust it so easily.

By this point the two tribes of the fourth floor had started to invade the other level of the building. Some say they’re searching for the stapler, others claim they’ve simply gone delirious and would take any stationery in the hope that it would restore order.

As for the stapler? It’s still out there somewhere. Seeing the world in ways many of us can only dream of. We hope it comes back soon, if only for the sake of the fourth floor.

*of course, being a stapler it has no life to put at risk. But still.

How Selina became Sealiona

It's difficult to get excited about a colleague's holiday. They get to jet off somewhere sunny while you’re stuck at the same old desk, fiddling with the same old spreadsheets. So when Selina headed to the Galapagos Islands recently, we said how happy we were for her and then proceeded to complain amongst ourselves for the entire time she was away.

When she returned we followed proper office etiquette and asked her how it went. “Oh, it was great,” said Selina as we all smiled politely. “I even have pictures.” Someone at the back audibly groaned.

But then we saw the pictures. We all owe Selina an apology. She never told us there would be sea lions. Wild sea lions at that. Wild sea lions that would walk up to you and hang out with you. Wild sea lions with whiskers.

Just look at them. With their rolled up necks.

This one’s had a busy day at the office and decided to go to the beach for a rest. Keep up the good work, sea lion.

We suspect this sea lion is actually on holiday. It’s the only explanation for it being on a sun lounger. Only people on holiday are allowed on them.

Selina even explained the difference between seals and sea lions. “Sea lions have external ears,” she said. “Seals, I don’t know where their ears are, but it’s not the same.” Thanks, Selina.

Of course, it goes without saying that Selina is now called Sealiona throughout the office. Let nothing stand between us and an obvious joke.

Return of the AGM

We haven't had you lot over in a while. We're sorry about. We've just been really busy making smoothies, taking over the world and doing the hoovering.

But we think it's about time we made it up to you.

Which is why we’ve decided to hold an innocent AGM* on Saturday 10th October 2015, and we’d love to invite you lot to pop down to Fruit Towers for the day.

You’ll get to hear all about the innocent story, make your own smoothies and taste lots of stuff from our range, old and new.

If you fancy coming along with a friend, click here to enter your details. We’ll be choosing the lucky few on Thursday 24th September so get your skates on.

For all those who can’t make it, don’t worry – we’ll be posting updates of the day on our Twitter page with lots of photos so it'll be almost as good as being there. Almost.

Good luck and we hope to see you soon.


*a grown up meeting

rio's cats: the sinister truth

Our Rio owns two cats. This one here is called Ruby:


And this one here is Jasper:


Though they may give the appearance of being regular cats doing regular cat things, we have uncovered mounting photographic evidence to support the theory that Ruby is plotting to kill Rio, and Jasper is desperately trying to warn her with his eyes.

The fear is real:


The things he knows. The things he's seen:


 "I think Ruby is plotting...she's right behind me, isn't she":


"It's too late for me now. I'm in too deep. Save yourselves":


But Ruby's reign of terror continues unnoticed by Rio:




But for how much longer?

To be continued...

flashing your bum at Aston from JLS


You know that feeling when you go out to a swanky club one night and end up accidentally flashing your bum to Aston from JLS? No? Well our Rio does. She was wearing her snappiest jumpsuit, complete with an out of the way (and easy to forget...) zip that runs down the back. After visiting the loo, Rio walked confidently back into the club, only to have a worried onlooker inform her that her zip was open, exposing her bottom to the entire place, including Aston, who was propping up the bar mere metres away. Mortifying.