Thoughts from author: Ceri a

christmas crackers

Tired of always getting rubbish jokes in festive crackers?

Sick of reading the one about the grape being stepped on?


Wine no more.

Just copy and paste the jokes below, print them out on office stationery before you go home for the holidays and then cut them into little slips to wedge inside the crackers come Christmas Day.

Here's ho-ho-hoping they provide at least 20 seconds of festive fun

Why didn’t the Eskimo need to write down his Christmas shopping list?

Because Inuit

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can 'ho ho ho!'

Why did Santa lay off the egg nog?

Because it was bad for his elf

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

“Can you smell carrots?”

Why should you invite a mushroom to your Christmas party?

Because he's a fun guy to be around

How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

What does the Christmas weather forecast look like, darling?

Rain, dear

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas?

Cross-mouse cards

What does Santa do with fat elves?

Sends them to the Elf Farm

What’s red and white and goes ‘Oh oh oh’?

Santa walking backwards

N.B Some of these jokes were written by us. The rest were shamefully pillaged and plagarised from the internet. We're not proud. But we are honest.

friday feeling

It is Friday

This must be celebrated

So please allow this to roll you headfirst into the weekend

Bonus Friday fact: This was filmed in Milton Keynes shopping centre. A proud day for MK.

dude in the wood

Our friend Del (who made the 5 for 5 cafe signs) found this in a bit of wood he was planing todayDude

Next thing you know, we'll be getting pieces of toast in the post (just like this one of Elvis' ghost)


socking news

This poster (currently gracing the back of our big cartons and little bottles) has caused something of a stir in the hosiery community.


We've received an awful lot of calls from sockless folk across the land, claiming this sock as their own and asking if they can please have it back.


It's alarming just how many socks go missing (without the intervention of hungry washing machines or excited dogs) and Sally, Janel, Joe M, Jojo, Rio and Lucy F have been amazing at dealing so wonderfully with these concerned callers.

In order to clear up the mystery and put an end to the pain and cold feet of all involved, if this is indeed your sock and you're aching to reunite the pair, just post us its sad, lonely partner and we'll return them both back to you in a velvet lined box atop a crate of smoothies.