We know we're not going to win it - we never do. We've come to accept that. But every time it comes around we can't help but dream that maybe, just maybe, this year will be our year. Of course, no sooner have we pictured the trophy being lifted than it inevitably all goes wrong and we crash out in embarrassment. But, enough about the world cup, it was Eurovision on Saturday, and this is one competition where the UK are HOT FAVOURITES.
The first thing to be aware of is that Australia were, once again, back in the competition. If you’re raising an eyebrow or a 'tiny, hairy, forehead boomerang' as they call them, fear not - this map should clear everything up.
You might think that us tweeting along with the shenanigans was just a not-so-subtle hint that we want to be on the next series of Gogglebox, but it was in fact a very clever marketing strategy.
Ukraine got the night started. We’ve always had a soft spot for them, because their name combines our country with our weather.
It was a sell out crowd – the Lithuanian entry couldn’t even find a seat.
Eurovisions of the past have traditionally been drab, grey affairs. Stiff upper lip and all that. Thankfully, Estonia didn’t get the memo.
It reminded us of something, we just couldn’t quite put our finger on it.
Norway’s entry provided a good excuse for us to crack out the Scandinavia puns.
We’re Finnished now.
The UK’s entry, SuRie, was disrupted by a stage invader snatching the microphone out of her hand. SuRie handled it brilliantly though, and still belted out the final chorus. As she left the stage to thunderous applause, we were overcome with a strange, new feeling, that we’ve never experienced when watching the UK entry before. Was it? No, it couldn’t be, could it? IT WAS. It was pride.
Another Brit to give a good account of himself was everyone’s favourite Glaswegian.
If there was one person from the night who we want to become a household name, then it was the Albanian entry.
It was a very educational night. Not only did we learn Australia was in Southern Europe, we also found out that Jared Leto was Danish.
Along came Australia, and not a didgeridoo in sight.
It was about 10pm by this point, so goodness only knows what time it was in Australia.
We were bowled over by Moldova
Israel’s entry was just your bog standard, run-of-the-mill, nothing-to-see-here, fusion of chicken noises, waving cats and Pokemon references.
With songwriting like this, it was no surprise to anyone when they went home with the prize.
What a night. It really did have it all, from Ukrainian piano-bed-coffins to Moldovan vertical walking. Now, there's just one thing left to do - take our Pikachu home.