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bukka bukka boon

We know we're not going to win it - we never do. We've come to accept that. But every time it comes around we can't help but dream that maybe, just maybe, this year will be our year. Of course, no sooner have we pictured the trophy being lifted than it inevitably all goes wrong and we crash out in embarrassment. But, enough about the world cup, it was Eurovision on Saturday, and this is one competition where the UK are HOT FAVOURITES. Eurovision odds: Cyprus 2/1, Israel 6/1, UK, 300/1. We're miles ahead

The first thing to be aware of is that Australia were, once again, back in the competition. If you’re raising an eyebrow or a 'tiny, hairy, forehead boomerang' as they call them, fear not - this map should clear everything up.

A map of Europe, with Australia in it's rightful place - West of Spain

 

You might think that us tweeting along with the shenanigans was just a not-so-subtle hint that we want to be on the next series of Gogglebox, but it was in fact a very clever marketing strategy.

Eurovision drinking game: Buy a Smoothie, Drink it. That's the marketing out the way nice and early

 

Ukraine got the night started. We’ve always had a soft spot for them, because their name combines our country with our weather.

The Ukrainian entry looked like Dracula on a sunbed

 

It was a sell out crowd – the Lithuanian entry couldn’t even find a seat.

Lithuania's entry, sat on the floor

 

Eurovisions of the past have traditionally been drab, grey affairs. Stiff upper lip and all that. Thankfully, Estonia didn’t get the memo.

Estonia's entry was 95% an advert for the dress projection industry

 

It reminded us of something, we just couldn’t quite put our finger on it.

It looked an awful lot like Frozen. Let it go, let it goooo

 

Norway’s entry provided a good excuse for us to crack out the Scandinavia puns.

This song is great but there's Norway of knowing if it's good enough to win

We’re Finnished now.

The UK’s entry, SuRie, was disrupted by a stage invader snatching the microphone out of her hand. SuRie handled it brilliantly though, and still belted out the final chorus. As she left the stage to thunderous applause, we were overcome with a strange, new feeling, that we’ve never experienced when watching the UK entry before. Was it? No, it couldn’t be, could it? IT WAS. It was pride.

SuRie? SuPer.

 

Another Brit to give a good account of himself was everyone’s favourite Glaswegian.

Serbia's recorder player looked just like Billy Connolly

 

If there was one person from the night who we want to become a household name, then it was the Albanian entry.

Eugent Bushpepa of Albania

 

It was a very educational night. Not only did we learn Australia was in Southern Europe, we also found out that Jared Leto was Danish.

Denmark's entry looked like Jared Leto. They also looked like Game of Thrones Wildlings singing a Disney song.

 

Along came Australia, and not a didgeridoo in sight.

The Australian entry, upside down. Because Australia.

 

It was about 10pm by this point, so goodness only knows what time it was in Australia.

We don't know how these time zone things work, but we hope you Australian's are having a terrific Wednesday.

 

We were bowled over by Moldova

The Moldovan entry had legs. Everywhere.

 

Israel’s entry was just your bog standard, run-of-the-mill, nothing-to-see-here, fusion of chicken noises, waving cats and Pokemon references.

Israel's lyric: I'm taking my pikachu home

 

With songwriting like this, it was no surprise to anyone when they went home with the prize.

Israel's lyric: Bukka bukka boon bukka bukka lie

 

What a night. It really did have it all, from Ukrainian piano-bed-coffins to Moldovan vertical walking. Now, there's just one thing left to do - take our Pikachu home.

You were the best as always, Eurovision. See you next year.