We’re ambitious. We have dreams. If it was up to us, every fridge across the land would be stuffed full of smoothies. But for some reason, people occasionally choose other drinks over the delicious, healthy, unquestionably brilliant and always humble smoothie. For instance, people in Scotland really like an Irn Bru. In the North of England, it’s against the law for a scone to be consumed without a cup of tea. Residents of East London will happily pay £4.50 for an artisanal flat white served in a miniature upcycled wheelbarrow. And whenever people want to encourage the boys to gather in their yard, they reach for a milkshake because Kelis made it clear in her 2003 hit song of the same name that that was the right thing to do.
However, this piece of breaking news from the Irish Daily Star might make you question your future beverage purchasing preferences:
That’s right: Kelis has never had a milkshake. But she did have a smoothie the other day and it was “really good.”
So, there you have it. Smoothies, not milkshakes, are now considered the official yard-bringing beverage of choice.
If you’re not sure how to make a smoothie, we could teach you, but we’d have to charge.