Thoughts from August 2015

Jay-Z's 99 problems

Jay-Zs 99 problems

Jay-Z's a man with a lot of problems. We all know the thing that isn't one of them, but he's never explicitly stated what the things were that were causing him so much grief. But not to worry, we know Jay (Sean) pretty well and have recorded them all here in a comprehensive list:

  1. Getting soufflé to rise 
  2. Finding a reliable plumber 
  3. Getting the smell of oranges off his hands
  4. Transitioning to internet banking
  5. When to use 'affect' and 'effect'
  6. Long division
  7. Not understanding 3D printing
  8. Global warming 
  9. Gluten intolerance 
  10. Parallel parking 
  11. Poaching eggs 
  12. Remembering that Sydney isn't the capital of Australia 
  13. The plight of the red squirrel 
  14. Unexpected rainfall 
  15. Kanye 
  16. Eczema  
  17. The rising cost of stamps  
  18. Seeded grapes  
  19. Bedroom tax 
  20. The pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre 
  21. Trying not to snack between meals 
  22. Not being able to find the end of the sellotape 
  23. Finding half sizes for shoes 
  24. Understanding the economic implications of Greece's possible exit from the Euro  
  25. Hiccups 
  26. Intermediate Sudoku  
  27. Whether to make the switch from DVD to Blu-ray 
  28. Unexpected item in the bagging area 
  29. The objectification of women in mainstream media 
  30. Fluffy apples 
  31. Pins and needles 
  32. Wanting to order a cocktail but being embarrassed by its gratuitously sexual name 
  33. Underripe avocados  
  34. Overripe avocados  
  35. His obsession with perfectly ripe avocados 
  36. Feeling sleepy after lunch  
  37. When to use the Oxford comma  
  38. Daddy longlegs 
  39. Really wanting a dog but knowing that his current lifestyle isn’t compatible with dog ownership 
  40. Shin splints 
  41. Rail replacement bus services  
  42. The meaning of life 
  43. Not enjoying eating yoghurt as much as the women in the adverts 
  44. The hole in the ozone layer 
  45. Not being able to trust contactless card payments 
  46. Fixed versus variable rate mortgages  
  47. Is H ‘ayche’ or ‘hayche’?  
  48. The Milton Keynes grid system 
  49. Recurring nightmare where he is late for an important business meeting
  50. Realising, once he started writing them all down in list form, just how many problems he has. 
  51. Flying ants  
  52. The western world’s over-reliance on fossil fuels 
  53. Crumbs in the bed  
  54. Only remembering the names of 4 of Henry VIII's wives 
  55. Solange 
  56. Ladle - bowl on a stick, or just a big spoon?
  57. Needing the loo in the middle of the night  
  58. The declining bee population  
  59. Two day hangovers 
  60. Wondering how, considering he was the strongest vocalist, One Direction will cope without Zayn in the long run. 
  61. Washing his trousers before realising there was a tissue in the pocket  
  62. Stress-induced twitchy eye 
  63. Not enjoying 'Breaking Bad' as much as everyone else 
  64. Missed calls from unknown numbers  
  65. Burnt toast 
  66. Being endorsed for skills he doesn't really have by people he doesn't really know on LinkedIn 
  67. Still wanting to call Emojis emoticons 
  68. Foot cramp 
  69. People making immature jokes about the number 
  70. Accidentally 'replying all' 
  71. Never knowing how much water to cook rice with  
  72. Mosquitoes at dusk 
  73. Meaning to buy tuna in spring water but accidentally buying it in brine  
  74. Finding a Natwest card reader 
  75. People who respond ‘maybe’ to Facebook event invites 
  76. All of the new Star Wars films  
  77. Tickly cough 
  78. Secretly needing stabilisers on his bike  
  79. The increasing gap between rich and poor 
  80. Clammy hands 
  81. People putting milk back in the fridge when there's only a tiny bit left  
  82. Male pattern baldness 
  83. Whether it makes fiscal sense to buy an annual travelcard  
  84. Opening the dishwasher before it's done 
  85. Insufficient legroom at the theatre 
  86. Sunday traffic  
  87. Feeling quite indifferent to Marmite  
  88. Having to split the bill evenly after a group meal despite only drinking water and Nigel having four Daiquiris 
  89. How to pronounce ‘scone’  
  90. Worrying that he doesn’t suit hats 
  91. The Edinburgh tram debacle 
  92. Having the door held open for him from some distance away, so he’s forced into an awkward sort of jog walk  
  93. Ambiguous toilet door signs in restaurants 
  94. Understanding the politics of the Middle East 
  95. Sinusitis 
  96. At the end of Lady and The Tramp, 3 of their puppies look like Lady, and 1 looks like Tramp. But in real life, they’d be cross-breeds 
  97. Going for a jog and getting a stitch 
  98. Recording a song and struggling to hit the perfect pitch 
  99. Wanting to start collecting antique garden gnomes, but worrying that they might be too kitsch

 He's a complex fella, no doubt about that. Hope you feel better soon, big guy.

coconut water mocktails


Last week, we opened a coconut water mocktail bar for the day, and the recipes (created by the lovely Anna Jones) went down a bit of a treat. If you fancy having a go at recreating them at home, here are a few recipes from the day:

Georgia Peach

ingredients (makes about 450ml)

innocent coconut water

peach juice

vanilla seed paste

lemon juice

cinnamon powder


 Blend 100g of ripe peach or unsweetened peach puree with:

  • 250ml of innocent coconut water
  • the juice of ¼ of a lemon
  • a tiny pinch of cinnamon
  • the seeds from ½ a vanilla pod or a teaspoon of vanilla seed paste
  • a teaspoon of agave to sweeten if needed

Pour over a bit of ice and serve.


Pink Virgin Mojito

ingredients (makes about 450ml)

innocent coconut water

watermelon juice

chopped lime

mint leaves



  • muddle 20 mint leaves with 1 roughly chopped lime and 2 of teaspoons of agave
  • add ice to the glass
  • pour over 200g of blitzed seeded watermelon and 200ml of innocent coconut water


Coconut Frappe 

ingredients (makes about 450ml)

innocent coconut water

espresso coffee

Coconut milk or almond milk


Agave syrup (makes about 450ml)


Blend 2 shots of espresso with

  • 200ml of coconut water
  • 150ml of coconut milk
  • 2 teaspoons of agave syrup
  • a small handful of ice
  • blend until creamy and pour over ice


The FroYo Coco

Ingredients (makes about 450ml)

innocent coconut water

natural frozen or coconut frozen yoghurt

fresh pineapple or pineapple puree

passion fruit seeds

lime juice


Blend 100g of fresh, ripe pineapple or unsweetened pineapple puree with:

  • the juice of ½ a lime
  • the seeds from 1 passion fruit
  • 2 heaped tablespoons of natural or coconut frozen yoghurt
  • a good handful of ice
  • 150ml of innocent coconut water
  • mix in the seeds from ½ a passion fruit

Exploding ant genitals

 So, this is a thing we talked about in our company newsletter this week:

If you fancy getting our newsletter/insect genital update every Friday, you can sign up for it here. We even talk about smoothies sometimes. In fact it's probably 67% smoothies, 33% genitals. We like those odds.

Maria, you gotta see her

We’ve taken the 4th floor stapler on a few outings recently – so far it’s visited Cambridge, an inner city London farm an, um, the second floor

And it seems that its international celebrity status is growing because when Maria spotted us positioning it outside the Ritz last week she asked if she could get a photo. 


We were chuffed, but, since then, it’s started refusing to staple any documents which aren’t ‘business critical’ and won’t sit on the desk with the unbranded hole punch. Diva.

The Ultimate veg growing cheat sheet

We've posted about Anglian Home's veg growing cheat sheets before because they are the best veg growing cheat sheets of all the veg growing cheat sheets that are probably out there. But the new veg growing cheat sheet they've come up with has blown all of the other veg growing cheat sheets out of the water.

You can let it know where you are and where you're going to be growing the veg so it can personalise a plan just for you.

So go. Sow. Grow. Low.