Welcome to the innocent webnews // 8th April 2016 // issue #171
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Jez is leaving
BREAKING NEWS: OUR INTERNET IS FINALLY SAFE
Over the last eight years we've had our fair share of IT issues. At first we thought, "ah well these things happen, technology can be unpredictable, no-one's to blame". But then we noticed a pattern. A rumour, started by someone (definitely not us), began to circulate that the Wi-Fi was down because one of our IT Analysts, Jez, had borrowed the internet for the bank holiday weekend and forgotten to bring it back. Off the back of that, someone (again, definitely not us), started a campaign on Twitter to get him fired. And it kind of worked because this week he announced he's leaving. Our computers are safe once more. And we're not going to miss him at all. In fact, to prove how much we're not going to miss him we're never going to mention him again.

Let the departure countdown begin.
veg cake
 
veg cakes
Veg has been infiltrating our cake for years. Beetroot has been sneaking into brownies and courgette has been spotted in multiple muffins. But now salad has taken it one step further and overthrown the cake entirely to actually become the cake itself. Believe it or not, these creations by Mitsuki Moriyasu are made entirely out of veg. You know who really likes cake? Jez. He loves a good piece of cake. Anyway, if you fancy packing a bit of veg into your own home baking then these recipes are a good place to start.
wombat
 
chief wombat cuddler
If you're currently unemployed and the only skill listed on your C.V is that you enjoy cuddling soft fluffy things, then you might be finding it tricky to land your perfect job. But your luck's about to change because a wildlife park in Tasmania is looking for a Chief Wombat Cuddler to comfort an adorable orphaned wombat called Derek. Speaking of cuddles, you know who gives good hugs? Jez. It's those strong Kiwi arms of his. They always make you feel safe somehow. Anyway, if you fancy cuddling wombats for a living, get your applications in now.
when Emily met Jez
 
drinker of the week
A lady called Emily came in for a tour once. She was really nice. She came all the way over from Seattle to meet Jez. Jez. Why did we never find out your surname, Jez? Why didn't we take the time to hold you while we still could? WHY JEZ? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US? WE ONLY BULLIED YOU BECAUSE WE CARED. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US. We'd do it all differently, if we could. Won't you give us another chance, Jez? Won't you let us love you?
Jez we love you
 
inside fruit towers
There was a lot going on in the office this week. On Monday we watched Jez sitting at his desk (he was wearing a black T-shirt, in case you're wondering). On Tuesday, we watched Jez eating his lunch (sandwich and a packet of crisps, in case you're wondering). On Wednesday, we watched Jez leave work on his motorbike (which was as impressive as it sounds, in case you're wondering). And on Thursday, Jez caught us watching him and made us promise to stop (which is unlikely, in case you're wondering).
and finally
please   don't go   Jez
 
   
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