Welcome to the innocent webnews // 8th January 2016 // issue #158
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awkward back at work chat
An example of 98% of the conversations taking place in offices up and down the country this week:
back to work chat
It's all a bit boring. We recommend spicing it up by mentioning your long-standing family tradition of running naked into M&S and shouting "where do you keep your peep toe sandals?" or casually mentioning the time you drank two pints of Bailey's and woke up in a Santa suit on top of Milton Keynes shopping centre. Adds a bit of variety.
our new Super Smoothie ad
 
channel 4 & chill
Let's face it: January's a bit rubbish. Chilly, dark and plagued by the guilt of unfulfilled exercise regimes, its one redeeming feature is that you have an excuse for building a duvet fort and staying in on a Saturday night instead of interacting with other humans. If, like us, you plan to shun the outside world until February, you might just spot our brand new super smoothie ad on the telly. It features a time machine, a fancy blender and a mystical halo of floating ingredients*. Everything you need to beat the January blues, basically. Give it a watch here.

*strings almost invisible
Albert Heijn
 
super market
A lot of good things come from The Netherlands, like Dutch courage, Gouda cheese and Ruud Gullit's hairstyles. And now they can add 'ground-breaking humanitarian endeavour' to that list, because Dutch supermarket Albert Heijn is giving its checkout staff special training in how to spot signs of distress in elderly customers. Cashiers will be shown how to recognise signs of forgetfulness, loneliness or self-neglect among older shoppers and then offer to put them in touch with trained volunteers who can help. Good job, Netherlands. We'd like to be more like you when we grow up.
sock monkey
 
drinker of the week
We send out a few thousand little somethings every Christmas to say thanks to you fine lot for actually buying the stuff we make. This year was the year of the massive, cranberry coloured socks (complete with humorous slogan) and they seem to have been a bit of a hit. We've seen them adorning feet, hung up as Christmas stockings and placed strategically next to concerned looking pets. But the award for most creative sock usage has to go to Cat, who made this magnificent sock monkey. He's got his own Big Knit hat and everything. Glorious.
resolutions
 
inside fruit towers
A few of us have been struggling to get back into the swing of things this week – having to set our alarm clock, having to wear real clothes, having to be vertical. But not Helen, who went and made 27 New Year's Resolutions for 2016. We don't have space to list them all, but a few highlights are:
1. No crisps in January
12. Say hello to my neighbours every now and again
27. Fix my knee
We can't help but think that Helen might have her priorities slightly wrong here. But best of luck to her anyway.
and finally
decorations are down   dine without me   our favourite card
 
   
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