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Thoughts from category: twitter

how many retweets for a free smoothie?

Recently, you may have seen that the record for ‘most retweeted tweet’ has been broken by a man in America asking Wendy’s for free chicken nuggets. His original tweet, at the time we’re writing this, has now been retweeted about 3.5m times.

His success has caused people all over the world to start wondering whether they too can be launched to internet fame and the promise of free stuff. Here are some of our recent mentions on Twitter.

So, in answer to all your questions, let’s work this out.

We’ll start with a standard box of six chicken nuggets from Wendy’s. They cost $1.79. Assuming a year’s supply consists of one box a day, that’s $653.35. So it’s fair to say that 3.5m retweets is currently worth $653.35. But, of course, we’re a UK-based company so let’s convert that into English pence.

[runs numbers through big calculating computer]

At the current conversion rate, that’s 0.000145059 pence per retweet. We don’t need to tell you that one retweet isn’t quite going to do it. In fact, at the current going retweet value, you’d need 69 retweets just to get a free penny chew. Or 689 for a 10p Freddo before everything went mad and they went up to 30p (a 30p Freddo is worth 2,068 retweets).

Anyway, we’re getting distracted with all this Freddo talk. Let’s get back to business. Our normal smoothie bottles sell for about £1.60 which works out at approximately…

11,030 retweets per smoothie.

There we are then. If you want smoothies for retweets, that’s your number. Go for it. 

slightly more than nul points

Nothing says ‘summer is coming’ like staying indoors on a Saturday night in May to watch a contest that the UK hasn’t even the slightest hope of winning. Sure, the rest of Europe stopped backing our Eurovision entries decades ago, but this year would be different, wouldn’t it? We brewed the first of several dozen cups of tea and sat down to watch it unfold.

Before we start, you need to know that Australia were back in the competition for the second time. Don’t worry if that doesn’t immediately make sense to you. It’s all perfectly reasonable really.

 

Belgium were up first with a copy of a recent, world-famous fusion of pop and funk music.

 

Germany’s performance stood by the old saying, “If what you’re singing isn’t very good, just wear a hat made exclusively out of tiny bow ties.”

 

Then again, sometimes Eurovision outfits just don’t work and half of what you’re wearing has to go go.

 

Poland’s style inspiration came from a popular West End musical with a continental flare.

 

At this point, we remembered that we make smoothies and we should try to sell them.

 

During the half-time break, the organisers pulled out all the stops with a cameo from none other than Justin Timberlake, who made it clear that he was a true fan of the Eurovision Song Contest and was in absolutely no way motivated by anything else when he agreed to do this.

Finally, with all of that singing lark well and truly over it was time for the results of the voting.

Iceland used a dog to help them announce their results for some reason.

 

Malta gave us 12 points and we realised that we’ve always loved the Maltese with their falcons, addictive chocolate sweets and all of that other great Maltese stuff.

Then Australia gave their scores

 

Everybody was confused by the new voting system.

 

But in the end, despite Malta’s best efforts, Joe and Jake didn’t get much of a look in. But the important thing is that we reminded everyone to buy smoothies, and have probably kept our jobs for another year. 

 

 

The story of Thomas and Thirzah

A few weeks ago we sent out socks and Christmas cards to a few thousand of you out there in the real world. We didn’t have a reason beyond it being Christmas. It just felt like a nice thing to do. Loads of people then contacted us over Twitter and Facebook to say thank you. It was lovely. We were feeling all warm inside. Until Thirzah, that is.

Our Christmas was ruined. How could we have got it so wrong? ‘Thirzah’ isn’t even remotely similar to ‘Thomas’. All our hard work was for nothing. Yes, Thirzah seemed to take it well, but we knew that deep down she was disappointed with us.

And what about Thomas? Was he out there somewhere having an unexpected identity crisis? Would he wake up a few days before Christmas only to have his own sense of self shattered by an admin error? We spent the rest of the day worrying about Thomas, hoping that he was okay. Then, the next morning, he got in touch.

Thomas’s identity remained intact. We breathed a sigh of relief and introduced the two of them over Twitter. What started as a mistake we’ll never forgive ourselves for has become a beautiful meeting between strangers.

The next step here is obvious. Thomas and Thirzah will probably fall in love and we’d by lying if we said we’re not going to do everything in our power to make it happen. It’ll be one of the PR stories of the year. We’ll send flowers to Thirzah and accidentally sign ‘Thomas’ instead of ‘innocent’. We’ll arrange a big night out, invite them both under the pretence that loads of people will be there, and then leave them alone for the night in a fancy restaurant. Yes, there are ethical questions about toying with people’s emotions but we’ve seen romantic comedy films, we know how this works. It can’t fail. We can do this.