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Thoughts from category: random stuff

your post-bank holiday guide to what day of the week it is

It can be difficult coming back to work after a bank holiday. You've enjoyed your time away from your desk and, because you've lost a work day, it can be a busier week than you're used to. Not to mention the fact that years of working means you're so used to the first day back being a Monday. You're thrown off for the rest of the week, constantly checking your calendar to remind yourself what day it is.

So, to help you navigate this potential time trap, we’ve written a handy guide.

Yesterday was Monday but, as it was a bank holiday, it was really Sunday. Sunday was still Sunday. So was Saturday. That is, it wasn’t Sunday, it was still Saturday. Today is Monday but by Monday we mean Tuesday. Tomorrow, Wednesday, it’s Tuesday. Nobody quite knows what Thursday is. Friday will feel like Thursday but the best Thursday ever because it’s really Friday. Saturday is still Saturday.

Glad we could clear that up for you.

 

how many retweets for a free smoothie?

Recently, you may have seen that the record for ‘most retweeted tweet’ has been broken by a man in America asking Wendy’s for free chicken nuggets. His original tweet, at the time we’re writing this, has now been retweeted about 3.5m times.

His success has caused people all over the world to start wondering whether they too can be launched to internet fame and the promise of free stuff. Here are some of our recent mentions on Twitter.

So, in answer to all your questions, let’s work this out.

We’ll start with a standard box of six chicken nuggets from Wendy’s. They cost $1.79. Assuming a year’s supply consists of one box a day, that’s $653.35. So it’s fair to say that 3.5m retweets is currently worth $653.35. But, of course, we’re a UK-based company so let’s convert that into English pence.

[runs numbers through big calculating computer]

At the current conversion rate, that’s 0.000145059 pence per retweet. We don’t need to tell you that one retweet isn’t quite going to do it. In fact, at the current going retweet value, you’d need 69 retweets just to get a free penny chew. Or 689 for a 10p Freddo before everything went mad and they went up to 30p (a 30p Freddo is worth 2,068 retweets).

Anyway, we’re getting distracted with all this Freddo talk. Let’s get back to business. Our normal smoothie bottles sell for about £1.60 which works out at approximately…

11,030 retweets per smoothie.

There we are then. If you want smoothies for retweets, that’s your number. Go for it. 

jasper's roof secret

Fruit Towers, like most buildings, has a roof. It’s a fine roof, as roofs go. It’s high up, it has the appropriate safety barriers, it gets windy. It’s a roof. Occasionally we go on the roof to take pictures of our smoothies.

But roof access is limited. We can’t just have anybody going up there. It wouldn’t be safe. No, instead you have to ask Jasper first. This is Jasper on the roof.

The other day, when Jasper let us onto the roof to take a picture of our smoothies, he mentioned something about a secret. A secret on the roof. But he wouldn’t tell us what it was. We’ve asked him over and over again but he’s not budging. To be honest, it’s bothering us. We come into work every day and look up at the roof.

“What’s your secret?” we say to the roof, but the roof never responds.

We go into Fruit Towers and see Jasper.

“What’s your secret on the roof?” we say to Jasper, but Jasper never responds.

What could it be? Is Jasper sleeping up there, just like when nobody knew Ben was sleeping in the gym for a few months? Is he secretly designing a giant telescope which he can use to spy on the people of Ladbroke Grove? Could it be that there are solar panels up there (which we already know about, so if it is that then in your face, Jasper)?

If you know Jasper’s roof secret, please tell us. It’s too much to bear.