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Thoughts from category: random

a tale of two Lizos

We talk to loads of people on Twitter. There’s Kyle who seems to really like Grand Theft Auto, there’s Mark who turns into Wayne from Wayne’s World, there’s Heidi who once sent us a load of delicious brownies in a wooden box her boyfriend made, and there’s Not Lizo.

Not Lizo’s twitter account used to be @not_LizoMzimba helping to distinguish them from the ex-host of Newsround, Lizo Mzimba. So, to make sure we didn’t get the two of them confused, we referred to @not_LizoMzimba simply as ‘Not Lizo’. It was a good system. It worked. We didn’t mix them up once.

Not Lizo recently changed their Twitter name to ConfusedSpoons but we carried on calling them Not Lizo, just in case we forgot who they are (and who they aren’t). It’s a good job we did because the other day, when we were talking to Not Lizo, the real Lizo Mzimba somehow came across the conversation.

It’s just like Inception but instead of going into people’s dreams to steal something it’s more like us getting genuinely a bit starstruck by someone a lot of us grew up watching on TV.

Of course, the question now is who’s the real Lizo Mzimba? Is it the one with the verified Twitter account or was it Not Lizo all along? Is this whole conversation an elaborate set-up? If so, for what end? We’re onto you, Lizos. Whatever you’re planning, we’ll stop it.

 

your post-bank holiday guide to what day of the week it is

It can be difficult coming back to work after a bank holiday. You've enjoyed your time away from your desk and, because you've lost a work day, it can be a busier week than you're used to. Not to mention the fact that years of working means you're so used to the first day back being a Monday. You're thrown off for the rest of the week, constantly checking your calendar to remind yourself what day it is.

So, to help you navigate this potential time trap, we’ve written a handy guide.

Yesterday was Monday but, as it was a bank holiday, it was really Sunday. Sunday was still Sunday. So was Saturday. That is, it wasn’t Sunday, it was still Saturday. Today is Monday but by Monday we mean Tuesday. Tomorrow, Wednesday, it’s Tuesday. Nobody quite knows what Thursday is. Friday will feel like Thursday but the best Thursday ever because it’s really Friday. Saturday is still Saturday.

Glad we could clear that up for you.

 

how many retweets for a free smoothie?

Recently, you may have seen that the record for ‘most retweeted tweet’ has been broken by a man in America asking Wendy’s for free chicken nuggets. His original tweet, at the time we’re writing this, has now been retweeted about 3.5m times.

His success has caused people all over the world to start wondering whether they too can be launched to internet fame and the promise of free stuff. Here are some of our recent mentions on Twitter.

So, in answer to all your questions, let’s work this out.

We’ll start with a standard box of six chicken nuggets from Wendy’s. They cost $1.79. Assuming a year’s supply consists of one box a day, that’s $653.35. So it’s fair to say that 3.5m retweets is currently worth $653.35. But, of course, we’re a UK-based company so let’s convert that into English pence.

[runs numbers through big calculating computer]

At the current conversion rate, that’s 0.000145059 pence per retweet. We don’t need to tell you that one retweet isn’t quite going to do it. In fact, at the current going retweet value, you’d need 69 retweets just to get a free penny chew. Or 689 for a 10p Freddo before everything went mad and they went up to 30p (a 30p Freddo is worth 2,068 retweets).

Anyway, we’re getting distracted with all this Freddo talk. Let’s get back to business. Our normal smoothie bottles sell for about £1.60 which works out at approximately…

11,030 retweets per smoothie.

There we are then. If you want smoothies for retweets, that’s your number. Go for it. 

you think you know someone

You think you know your colleagues. You say hi to them in the morning. You chat about the news or the sport or the latest TV drama. Maybe you talk about something a bit more personal and, over time, you really get to know them. But, on the whole, they don’t often surprise you. You know them, they know you, everything carries on as normal.

You definitely don’t expect to one day find out that they’ve spent their time outside work carving miniature fruit sculptures for their pets.

And yet recently we’ve discovered that Paul does exactly that for his two tortoises, Gary and Alan, who he makes intricate presents for out of food. Such as these recreations of the London Olympics:

Or these carol singers at Christmas:

Or this tortoise friendly jubilee street party:


Each tortoise even has their own Facebook page (where there are more pictures to enjoy from Halloween to Easter). You can find Gary here and Alan here.

jasper's roof secret

Fruit Towers, like most buildings, has a roof. It’s a fine roof, as roofs go. It’s high up, it has the appropriate safety barriers, it gets windy. It’s a roof. Occasionally we go on the roof to take pictures of our smoothies.

But roof access is limited. We can’t just have anybody going up there. It wouldn’t be safe. No, instead you have to ask Jasper first. This is Jasper on the roof.

The other day, when Jasper let us onto the roof to take a picture of our smoothies, he mentioned something about a secret. A secret on the roof. But he wouldn’t tell us what it was. We’ve asked him over and over again but he’s not budging. To be honest, it’s bothering us. We come into work every day and look up at the roof.

“What’s your secret?” we say to the roof, but the roof never responds.

We go into Fruit Towers and see Jasper.

“What’s your secret on the roof?” we say to Jasper, but Jasper never responds.

What could it be? Is Jasper sleeping up there, just like when nobody knew Ben was sleeping in the gym for a few months? Is he secretly designing a giant telescope which he can use to spy on the people of Ladbroke Grove? Could it be that there are solar panels up there (which we already know about, so if it is that then in your face, Jasper)?

If you know Jasper’s roof secret, please tell us. It’s too much to bear.