Writing a message in a Valentine's card can be a tricky business -
is it too soon to throw down the l-bomb? Is 'regards' too formal? One kiss or
two? Whether you've been with your significant human for twenty years or one exhausting weekend we've got a few helpful, and not at all risky, suggestions
for your message inside the card:
1. Your hair always looks fairly clean.
2. I think you’d still look nice even if all your jeans were slightly too short.
3. Your face reminds me of a painting by a famous painter. But not the Mona Lisa
because everyone knows that one and it’s too obvious.
4. If you told me a secret I wouldn't tell anyone. Unless I strongly believed that
it required intervention from the relevant authorities and standard human
morality dictated my actions accordingly.
5. I’d always swipe right for you.
6. If we only had one phone charger I’d let you plug your phone in first and get
it up to 15% battery before unplugging it.
7. If you used Internet Explorer, and favoured it over other search engines even
after trying all the alternatives, I would learn to accept it.
8. If you got really drunk, and were embarrassed about it the next day, I’d always
tell you that you ‘weren’t that bad’.
9. You look a bit like that actor/actress from that film I saw that time. I don’t
remember their name, or what else they've been in, but you’re a dead ringer.
10. I’d sit through an entire episode of Waterloo Road if you
wanted to watch it. I wouldn't be happy about it. But I’d do it.
11. If we went food shopping, and I was packing the bags, I'd pack the heavy stuff into the one I was going to carry home. Even if we had bought extra milk because your parents were thinking of popping by.
12. I've learned to live with the fact that you’re ‘not really an animal person’. But I might silently judge you for it.
13. If you had cold feet, I would take my socks off and insist
that you wear them, even if my feet were also quite cold. You’re worth having
quite cold feet for.
14. I don’t put mushrooms in stuff
because I know you don’t like them. I really miss mushrooms, you know.
15. You are my
favourite human. Even counting my parents and people I've known for years who’d
probably be offended if they knew.
We should probably mention that
you use these messages at your own risk and innocent cannot be held responsible for any
coincidental relationship breakdowns that occur shortly afterwards.