blends ahoy


Or should we say start, as for our first official bit of news for 2012, we are thrilled to announce that our new juice blends are now in the shops.

You can choose from our delicious apple and raspberry recipe or totally tasty tropical (sorry), depending on whether you need to be transported to a dappled orchard or a desert island.

You can find them in ASDA right now and in other shops very soon (we'll keep you posted as to where and when).

Given that at least one person you know will be on some sort of miserable cabbage maple syrup nothing beginning with C diet right now, why not cheer them up with a bit of sunshine in a carafe?

Or better still, give their eyes and ears a treat courtesy of a shady orange grove and the dulcet tones of Captain Jean Luc Picard.

Or even better still, if you fancy winning yourself a case of our new blends, just tell us your top 3 most ridiculous New Year's resolutions below and the 10 that make us laugh the most will each win a case of our new juice.

We'll pick the winners on Friday 20th January, so get your entries in.

Meantime, to find for your nearest ASDA stockist, just email

This competition is now closed. Thanks to everyone who entered. Congratulations to Katie B, Kieran W, Karen G, Thom B, Yasna, Andi G, Bex, Kerri W, Samantha S and Steven Y. A box 'o' blends winging their way to you very soon.

There are 495 comments about this post


1. Limit the amount of ridiculously high shoes that cost an absolute fortune that i never wear because 1, i fall over when i attempt to wear them and 2, i'm too scared to wear them for fear of ruining them.
2. Don't think too much.
3. Limit the amount of time i spend watching star wars to a maximum of 5 times for each film. (yes it would be my mastermind topic.)

This is really the great way you discuss this kind of topic. Good job.

1. I will think of a password other than "password"

2. I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

3.I will not congratulate any women on their pregnancy, unless I am absolutely sure she is indeed with child and didn't just gain some weight

1) Stop getting out of bed before 10am (shhh, don't tell my boss)

2)Eat out more, purely so I don't have to do the washing up

3)Use chopsticks for all meals, including pizza

1. Be more funnier to win competitions
2.suggest improvements to Innocent smoothies
3.Dont be over enthuastic when singing the praises of Innocent smoothies
these are all ridiculus new years resolutions because 1- i couldnt get any funier ,2-Innocent smoothies are obviously perfect the way they are.3-i cant sing you guys praises enough .

1. Win an innocent competition!

2. Find more sites like

3. Live long and prosper.

1. Eat nothing but fruit and veg once a week. In any month with a Z in it.

2. Stop telling my kids lies about carrots making them see in the dark or spinach giving them muscles like Popeye and agree to share my innocent smoothies and veg pots with them instead.

3. Stop keeping empty innocent juice bottles as vases/leftover soup containers/reuseable bottles and let the recycling bin have them instead.

1) Stop biting my nails and spend the time saved picking my nose instead.
2) Make fewer 'to do' lists and focus on actually doing the things on the list, rather than just ticking them off for the sheer delight of making little tick marks.
3) Finally learn to pronounce odd or counter-intuitive British names correctly, such as Evelyn Waugh or Belvoir Castle.

1. To learn an obscure language such as Ainu (Aboriginal language spoken in northern Japan but almost extinct)
2. To become a full member of the cloud appreciation society
3. To stop buying things just becase they are shiny (magpie syndrome!)

1) Spend less time procrastinating, in particular stop googling everything i'm eating and drinking whilst revising.

2) Work out why innocent smoothies are so nice

3) Stop sucking up to multi-million pound drinks companies in the hope of winning free things.

1. To watch all the top 100 movies ever made (currently 7/100)
2. Learn to speak a new language
3. Start doing more road trips and try and find the worlds best cup of coffee (I'm thinking it's got to be in Italy somewhere)

I'm old so if I could afford it I would have someone come in and do the housework and change the dreaded duvet. I would also stop moaning about the modern pop groups who stick the microphone up there nose and I can't understand what they are singing about, can't even read their lips. Bring back Frank Sinatra.

1. Stop expecting Patrick Stewart to come and take me on a tour of his spaceship.
2. Grow eight inches so I'm the correct weight for my height.
3. Write the seminal novel of the 21st century, about snails.

1. Finish ALL emails with 'Love you! Byyyyeeeeeeee! xxx'
2. Buy a HUGE block of dry ice over the internet and then hold a Masked-Ball-come-Star-Wars-Party in my tiny flat.
3. Win more innocent competitions. ;)

1)I will not diet (how good does butter taste?)
2)I will not go to the gym (c'mon, how can the gym compete with cuddling up on the sofa with a hot water bottle, bottle of Innocent banana and Strawberry Smoothie and a bar of Dairy Milk?)
3)I will not wear make-up (the time? the cost? Au naturel is free (if a little wrinkly))

Go vegetarian for a month, right after I finish a bacon roll and several pigs in blankets.

1) Paint my nails each week, 52 different colours for each week of the year
2) Try a new fruit or vegetable every month that I had previously been scared of
3) Overcome either my phobia of spiders or baked beans (no, really!)

Learn to tweet. My top ten FB posts last year were mini episodes, surely I can keep a status update to 140 characters, it can’t be that har

eat a real ligonberry, what even are they Ikea?

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I Could NOT be happier about your new blended juices! They sound amazing & I can't wait to try them!

As for new years resolutions..

- Run at least once a week (Can be either recreational or to get away from angry dogs...)

- To make someone smile at least once a day.. :) whether that be a friend, a stranger, or myself :)
(This may require me to be funnier....)

- Learn to play 'My heart will go on' on the carrot clarinet.. no seriously.

1. Stop lobbing snails over garden fence, try to rekindle friendship with neighbours.
2. Buy nephews quieter/ less destructive/ less annoying presents and hope their parents don't hold a grudge.
3. Start buying own smoothies instead of drinking everyone else's. Accept that leaving it unattended isn't a valid excuse.

1) be nice to everyone
2) be nicer to everyone
3) be so nice to everyone it's frightening!

I suppose a fourth resolution would be to stop making really stupid resolutions?

Resolutions for 2012:

1. Refurbish underwear drawer.

2. Actually keep the basil plant on the kitchen windowsill alive.

3. a) Sort through unreasonably large pile of Potential Husband Applications and compile shortlist (deadline: June). b) Select candidate for Potential Husband and arrange wedding for 2013, thus fulfilling prophecy made by Madame Rosa at Hull Fair circa November 2011.

1. Accept that his approaching marriage means that he really isn't coming back.

2. Eat off a small plate so that I can eat less without thinking about food all the time and driving myself mad with hunger.

3. Do not save the washing up for more than three days.

1. Grow a spine

2. Jump off more cliffs

3. Make my 30th birthday a celebration and not a wake

Ah, the truth is, if I told you my top 3 resolutions they'd all be lies as I don't think I've ever made one in my entire 44 years. Alas, this also means I haven't a snowball's chance in hell of winning but thought I'd comment anyway. Love the juices - keep up the good work.

NY Resolution 1 - Spend less time trying to win free stuff and instead walk the dog.

NY Resolution 2 - Stop spending so much time online that i forget to feed the dog.

NY Resolution 3 - Stop offering the dog in exchange for cases of innocent smoothies/juice product!?

1) Be less lazy about foods that require both a knife and fork - goodbye pasta, hello steak

2) Stop sucking my thumb now that I am nigh on 26. And married.

3) Remember to put the toilet roll on the holder the right way around (Yes, apparently there is a right way round...??) so husband doesn't freak out.

1.Create the stop eating fruit party so there is loads more fruit for innocent to use.2.Stop eating fruit.3Keep bees so the trees are pollinated better creating more fruit for juice

1. win more competitions

2. drink more juice

3. become more popular

1. Defeat the Brussel Sprout! Mantra: I can eat and enjoy you even without butter *yuk*
2. Tell my 5 year old daughter that Father Christmas does not exist. That idol needs to be dethroned. Imagine him getting the credit for my overspending this Christmas. Pah!!
3. Rescue my abducted orange innocent socks from partners gym bag

Not to pick the scab in my tummy button, that is currently very appealing, after recently having had my gallbladder removed through my tummy button. Instead let is fall off of its own accord, which will also avoid any possibility of an embarrassing trip to the doctor/A&E relating to scab picking.

Resolutions for 2012:

1. Enter 500 competiitons for each month, well, January at least. So far, I'm on 114! 115 if I include this.

2. Get the ex-boyfriend to pay me back the £21,000 he owes me, ha ha ha do you think he will?!

3. Get the rich ex-husband with rich parents to pay me more than the paltry sum of £220 a month he expects his two children to be brought up on. And also, try and put an end to the ex-in-laws putting their dog on the phone to my childen. What!!! Really.

There may be a chance of me achieving number 1 on the list. There may have to be court cases to achieve numbers 2 and 3 . In which case I will need to be keeping my energy levels up, stay positive and eat and drink lots of fruit and vegetables!! Innocent help!

1. get a horse..bit ambitious

2. not drink more than a cartoon/caraffe of smoothie/juice a day

3. keep my room tidy..permanently

1. learn to swim - a bit scary

2 learn to ride a horse - scared of horses as they tend to kick at one end and bite with the other end (and they don't like me)

3 learn a foreign language - if I have time!!!

1. To wear more things in my hair (actual hair accessories - not just random things) to look more like a girl because I am one.
2. To create my blog including photos of professional spelling and grammatical mistakes. I know some probably already exist but its purely for my own entertainment as I'm moving to Manchester (EEk) and won't have a Tv for the first month I'm there.
3. Learn to love my laptop and accept it as 'different'due to it being over 5 years old and having 80+ lines running down the screen. It's not because it's about to break or anything, its because it's different and unique *touch wood*.

Oh and obviously I'll be planning to consume more fruit and veg to be healthy, but that isn't really a daft resolution, it's sensible :)

1. The one I made while moderately inebriated: Seduce the bartender who does the pub quiz (we need him playing for our team).
2. The one I made to my cousin (she's 9): I will learn how to do cartwheels and breed unicorns (I promised her I'd try with the unicorn thing anyway)
3. The one I made to my parent's cat: I will make you love me (I love him very much, but he's apathetic towards most of humanity)

So that's my 2012 anyway!

My New Years Resolutions:

1) Stop reciting the scripts of Doctor Who every time it comes on TV
2) Stop stalking anyone who has ever been IN Doctor Who
3) Get out more and stop obsessing about Doctor Who!




1. Help the world by cutting dowm my annual intake of oxygen and nitrogen by one third.

2. Save electricity by removing all house light bulbs and eating 1 kg of raw carrots each day to improve my sight.

3. Persuade city bankers to take years' supplies of Innocent Smoothies as part of their 2012 bonus.

1) Build a time machine,
2) Become 5 years old again,
3) Ride a big dog like a pony.

Now wasn't that yummy?

1) Promise to get out of bed at least 1 day a week
2) Promise to eat slowly to reduce my wind
3) Only tell lies when it is absolutely essential

1) stop feeding my chickens with chicken sandwiches, they're all cannibals whoops...
2)spend a tiny bit less time on - but seriously, check it out, their images are amazing - you guys would love them!
3)stop writing childish things on peoples work at school :(

1) Stop pointing my pencil at people and shouting 'Expelliarmus!' - It hasn't worked these past 10 years, it isn't going to work now.

2) Hold fire on attempting to reach 88mph in a Morris Minor.

3) Accept that eating every 'Red Pill' I find isn't going to get me any further in life than the toilet.

1– Stop imagining mince pies are chasing me whilst swimming.

2– Become a better unicorn.

3– Start chasing the mince pies whilst swimming instead.

1) Stop spending cash on juices and just keep on wining competitions like this one.

2) Stop reusing tea bags.

3) Stop telling kids that when an ice cream van plays a melody it actually ran out of ice cream.

1.give up chocolate 100% 2.stop picking my nose when driving. 3.spend less time on the internet.

1. Stop trying to stop stopping !!

2. Give up giving up chocolate for New Year

3. Stop reminiscing how good things were when I was a child every child has memories specific to them

1. Stop being so sarcastic... (Yeah, like that's SO going to happen.)

2. Stop yelling at every man, woman and carrot everytime a grammatical error is committed.

3. Stop trying to ruin everyone else's New Year's Resolutions.

1. Try being me for sometime each day instead of wife, mother, gran, co-worker, team-mate, driver, cook or anything else the world seems to choose or expect.
2.loose some weight so I stop looking like a not so innocent orange in my favourite dress
3 reprogram my brain as its definately not funny.

1. Stop blaming the dog when I fart
2. Stop farting when I’m feeling guilty
3. Stop getting caught in vicious circles

1. Never again to be called a 'couch potato' by my 'helpful' Wii Fit!

2- Turn the heating up, put a bikini on and drink Innocent Tropical in the bath's got to be cheaper than a posh holiday

3 - Discover amazing tasting fat free chocolate and share the recipe with chocaholics everywhere :-)

1) Stop telling my children that it's OK not to talk sometimes and if they talk too much they'll use up all their words and the words will run out, meaning they'll have no words left when they're a grown up.

2) When one of my children complains that their sibling got more than them, I promise to stop replying with "well, that's because he/she is my favourite - remember?"

3) Find an alternative method of non-violent punishment to making my children count grains of rice/lentils, and realise that instilling a hatred of rice/lentils is probably not the best way of promoting a healthy diet. :-/

4) (one more for luck) Stop being a wicked witch of the west/child-catcher and aspire to be a friendly and nice role model, allowing my children to enjoy a loving and nurturing, warm and happy childhood - go figure!!

will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

Stop exercising. Waste of time

Spend more less time at work.

I am oh so excited.
My resolution is to learn how to wee in a public toilet when people can hear.
I get performance anxiety.
Hopefully I can overcome it in 2012...

I ve resolved to stop spending my money..... And spend Hubby s instead

1, Drink More Juice
2, Eat more Fruit
3, Win more competitions.

Can you help?

as my diet was an epic fail last year this year i decided 2 eat more and do less its going well so far

1) Really work on developing my snail racing nights
2)Give up trying to touch my nose with my tongue
3) Accept that at **cough** 32 I am ACTUALLY a grown up and stop behaving less maturely than my children
4)Dress up as a banana

1. To try and experiment more in cooking to actually discover some healthy food which I actually like (fussy vegetarian who doesn't like veg)
2. To spend less time searching for random things (but amusing) on google and instead actually do my work before the night before it's due in.
3. Either get used to walking in high heels or stilts as I'm wayyy too short!!!

1 To take the kitchen waste to the compost bin everyday, the walk and the fresh air will do me good.
2 To give up trying to wear matching socks, it takes too long in the morning to find black socks that match in the pitch dark
3 To take the cat for a healthy walk around the field everyday, the cat does not need the exercise but I do.

Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.

1. I will try to gain more weight so I won't be blown away with all these high gales up here in Bonny Scotland
2. Aim to not live my life on New York Time even though I never been to the Big Apple i.e go to be bed at a reasonable time and get up before noon.
3. Make sure I get my 5 a day. Should be easy if I win the crate!
4. Learn Sign Language. Surely if English is now the universal language then sign would be the same (give or take cultural differences)
5. Stop making lists.

My owly New Years Resolution: To stop making new years resolutions I will not follow...find out next year if I follow this...

I am going to try to not snap at my inlaws, but they are mighty annoying! ie: When they stay over and ask me why I have not made the beds and give me toasty bags for Xmas while my wife gets a cheque for £300!

1) find a colour brighter than highlight orange for hair
2) procrastinate more(that is a students job!)
3) Actually finish Zombie proofing the house

I resolve to stop counting green coloured sweets and fruit flavoured lip gloss as one of my five a day. I also resolve to learn the proper food groups; the five main food groups are NOT cheese, bread, ice cream, chocolate and sweets.

1) Post on more LOLCatz pics to make people laugh

2) Pick myself up off the floor long enough to post on said pics after I've fallen off my chair laughing at them myself

3) Buy less perfume. I've got loads and only one body to wear it on. I could quite easily smell like [iven department store]'s perfume counter if I so desired!

1. Learn the Latin name for every fruit in the world
2. Own every game ever released every games console
3. Never wash my clothes ever again - just spray them all with fabric freshener

1. To try and liberate the remote control from my boyfriends hand so it's a 50/50 split, rather than the current 80/20!
2. To clear out the clothes I was hanging on to for years in case they came back in fashion, when will looking like the lovechild of Alexis Carrington & Bananarama every be acceptable?
3. To learn to eat lentils without gagging! Healthy eating starts with a delicious smoothie.

1. I will not make any new years
resolutions. Wait... oh crud.
2. Stop buying worthless junk on Ebay, because QVC has better specials
3. I will actually look for things rather than just move a cushion or 2 and say "its not here!"

1- Will not drink wine!!
2- Be nice!
3- No take-aways!
4- Will not shave under my arms???

1] To give up stupidity - not managed very well so far
3] To learn to count

1. Stop using terms like "Stop Press" for blogs

2. Remember 2011's resolutions.

3. Redeem this years free christmas gift of a free bottle of innocent juice.

1- Stop bleaching the toilet while people are still sitting on it
2- Stop tormenting my boyfriend by using strawberries fabric softner just so I can say " Awwww, you smell pretty!"
3- Dress my 6 year old niece on 80's clothes and have her turn up at work claiming to be me from the past.

1) Stop looking at innocent smoothie bottoms and getting weird looks from my friends.

2) Learn each recipe off by heart for each innocent smoothies.

3) Stop procrastinating and playing damn casual games which eat away my time.

1. Stop wasting my life posting fb updates such as "I JUST MADE A SANDWICH"

2. Stop wasting my life reading fb updates such as "I JUST ATE A SANDWICH

3. Take up tweeting instead of fb.

1. Stop walking into people in the street.
2. Stop getting angry at slow moving people on the tube.
3. Start outsourcing my 5 a day to juices and smoothies to get them in the system quicker.

1. To stop thinking watching Q.I is studying

1. Win more competitions
2. Exercise more
3. Drink less wine

About me, I've never won anything in my life. I don't know what running, lifting weights, or gym are. I <3 wine - especially if it's red.

1. Stop picking up red rubber bands in the street
2. Offer my seat on the tube to anyone wearing purple
3. Sleep in sunglasses in Jan and Feb to make the mornings better

1. Stop chasing my imaginary dog during commuter hours.

2. Wear more clothes when in Parliament.

3. Start a banana gun war in the office.

1. Get on the telly holding a "hi mum" sign
2. Conquer my fear of puffy crisps
3. Visit every theme park in the country

1. eat more fruit (apple pie, pineapple upside down cake) and veg (carrot cake?)

2. use the words 'honey badger' in as many situations as possible

3. introduce planking as a fitness tool to the office

1, Draw faces on all my oranges,satsumas and bananas it makes the kitchen a happier place!
2, Make Tuesdays more interesting. Weekends shouldn't get all the fun.
3, Become officially the best bridesmaid ever by winning loads of Innocent Fruit Blend for my friend's farmyard wedding :)

1. Can the 50-a-day coke habit, sorry diet coke habit and drink more Innocent smoothies. 2. Get my Gran to explain to me how Facebook and Twitter works. 3. Have more faith in my SatNav and less in Match.Com

1. Attack all Zombies within a 5 mile radius using only a fish finger and a cucumber.

2. Be the first person to sucessfully launch a Christmas tree into space using a rocket powered by spouts.

3. Train a team of Hampsters to replace the England football squad and then win Euro 2012.

1) This year I will make an almighty effort not sit in my living room all day in my pjs. Instead, I will move myself and my laptop to the bedroom.

2) This year I promise to spend time working with neglected children -- my own.

3) This year I vow to quit smoking…. and take up drinking instead.

1)Get over my fear of bellybuttons (omphalophobia)...true story! Especially now as a medical student haha.
2)To remove all rubbish from my ipod, get all album artworks updated and everything to have an artist, album and track name correct.
3)To pass my exams this week,and the rest this year. Good start by entering competitions ;)

1: Do less laundry and use more deodorant.

2: However, I will always wear clean underwear just in case.

3: I will stop saying ”ooh, that feels nice” whenever I get frisked at airports.

1. Let my boyfriend have the last word sometimes, occasionally. OK Once!
2. Re-do Union Jack toe nails as have been there so long only half a flag remains.
3. Not let boyfriend comment on half flag nails ever again!

1. To collect my boyfriends bellybutton fluff and turn it into a live monkey before next Christmas.

2. To train the monkey to cook Christmas dinner. (I am still prepared to wash up and the monkey is welcome to join us for lunch)

3. To ensure that my boyfriend wears particularly fluffy clothes in order to facilitate 1 and 2.

1.Whenever I eat wash it down with an Innocent smoothie(cancels out the bad calories)
2. Stop dreaming of being rich and spend my money NOW(can't take it with you)
3.Get 20 minutes sun every day(vitamin D makes you feel happy)

1. Do something new everyday (This is a ridiculous one because remembering everything I did was too hard!)

2. Stop watching more YouTube than telelvision.

3. Stop drawing WEIRD doodles whenever I'm on the phone. < I honestly was on the phone to my friend recently and I drew a wasp wearing a tuxedo, just out of no where!

1. Get a job

- ridiculous in this climate.

Please make my year and let me win, please!

1. Achieve childhood aspiration of "What I want to be when I grow up" - A Fire Engine.

2. Eat just one Pringle in one hour.

3. Acquire entirely black/white duo-chromatic wardrobe of clothes; successfully conceal self amongst Zebras.

1. To stop thinking watching Q.I is studying
2. To stop thinking fanta counts as one of my five a day
3. To realise that I can't sing and I shouldn't go to karaoke bars (Something to remember when I am a little intoxicated)

1. Start a rival smoothie company.
2. Tweet more about how I love Innocent drinks.
3. Be Happy :)

1. Stop finishing everyone elses leftovers including the dogs!

2.Use proper nail scissors instead of pinking shears to cut my toenails - I'm shredding too many socks!

2. Stop trying to lure any passing mice into the house by leaving trails of cheese along the pavement and buy my son a pet mouse from the pet shop instead.

1, enter every competition u see maybe you,ll win one
2.dont wear you clothes insie out like i sometimes do on monday morning
3. to smile every day not falsly though as it looks funny

1. Drink copious amounts of innocent in the hope that it might alter my personality to a more innocent nature...

2. Always do the food shop on an empty stomach to ensure I buy lots of unecessary treats!

3. Start buying Christmas food now for next year - then realise it really wont last that long and I will have to consume it now!

1. I resolve to tile the kitchen floor, I will use tiles with a paw print pattern so I have to mop less.
2. To stop hiding my wifes keys under her hat on a hot day and in her sunglasses case on a dull rainy one.
3. To wear a hanky on my head and socks with my sandals when I go to Brighton

Well i guess it would have to be:

1: My New Year resolution is: 1024 by 968 pixels!

2: Have my boobs reduced so that i don't bounce down the road

3: Expand my photography business to include lingerie and swimwear so i appeal to more men and women!

Happy new year

1.'win my case' by defending the innocent.
2.going to swap the Olympic torch for a bottle of innocent.
3.put the innocent logo on the side of the queens carriage for the diamond jubilee.

1. Get a Marketing Grad job - with innocent? ;)
2. Stop realising half way through the day I have been in uni all morning with my jumper on back to front.
3. Change my snooze time to 5 minutes instead of 10 so that when I press it for the 12th time I've only slept an extra 1 hour instead of 2 :)

1. To start drinking again, after giving up in November, turns out its not much fun, and being a student - its just plain wrong!

1. I am going to support SHeffield United whole heartedly

2. I am going to be NICE to teddy bears.

3. I will stop telling outrageous fibs.

4. I am going to learn to count.

1. I resolve to switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make each a lot harder for hackers to figure out.
2. I resolve to buy new clothes big enough to account for next year's holidays.
3. I resolve to stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.

1. Stop using subtitles on iPlayer (especially Arthur)

2. To learn how to draw a straight line with a ruler - it's hard to hold a ruler straight

3. To watch less iPlayer and get a proper job (I graduated in September)

In that order.

1. Stop chasing the limpy pigeons in the park. Especially stop doing limpy impressions of them.

2. Endeavour to incite more spontaneous, en masse dancing on the train.

3. Buy man-lifting kite
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1. Throughout 2012, replace "Bless You" when someone sneezes with 2 other randomly generated words. Eg: ‘Duck bridge’, ‘Hedgehog tutu’, ‘Fizzy wedge’.

2. Stop making ‘your mum’ jokes to inanimate objects. ‘Unexpected item in your MUM’S bagging area’ is not an appropriate thing to say in the supermarket.

3. Learn the language of whichever country my sleeping pattern suggests I am currently living in. Sleeping from 5am til noon? Welcome to El Salvador. Time to learn Castellano.

1. Drink more of my 5 a day in the innocent drinks range.

2. Wear my innocent orange socks more.

3. Appear more innocent than i am.

1. To enter competitions ... AND WIN!

2. To invent something that makes people say "Mark who?" Or at least put one of my 'genius' ideas to market.

3. To try something that frightens me ... like posing for a life drawing class. Or maybe just watch a scary movie ... small steps.

1. Make every smoothie in my Innocent Smoothie book.

2. Adopt a Snow Leopard.

3. Marry Prince Harry.

1.I will actually do my brand new exercise DVD - instead of telling everyone to 'do not disturb' me whilst I pretend to do it (whilst actually using using the DVD player and TV to watch Friends DVD's!)

2. To eat me 5-a-day so more Innocent smoothies it is for me!

3. To give myself more time to do my essays, rather than giving myself a one paragraph-a-day target resulting in a mad rush come the deadline

1. Stop sucking my thumb. I'm 23 and it isn't pretty.

2. Stop buying cat toys as I don't have a cat...

3. Get over my fear of E.T.

I need to get my life in order and be more productive. I hear to do lists are helpful. So here are my New Year's resolutions:
1. Hm.
2. Ummmm...
3. .... ......... ...........

Oh, forget it. Maybe next year.

Last year these were my resolutions:

1. Do not use hairdye (I'm getting a few grey airs but I should learn to live with it!)
2. Get pregnant - That was a fun year trying to get pregnant, my partner had the time of his life. Still no baby though!
3. stop watching so much tv - failed as there was too many great shows on!!

This year my resolutions are the same and I plan to stick to them again!!

1. try to reduce the pile of ironing before it reaches the ceiling

2.start producing edible evening meals and stop my husband asking what am I murdering tonight!

3. Cure my addiction to Scrabble on Facebook

My boyfriend's 5-year old's resolution is to keep scissors away from babies. No idea where the idea came from, but it made me laugh!

Mine for 10 years ago was to never made another resolution, which is the only one I've managed to keep.

Boyfriend's is to not kill anyone this year. He's had a pretty good streak at keeping that one

1) Stop dressing the dogs up, they get far too over excited and a jumping, wagging 6 stone dog in a baby's bonnet is a liability.
2) Stop referring to the 'wilderness' at the back of the house as a 'wildlife garden' and actually do something to make it so.
3) Whilst a sixpence in a Christmas pud is a desirable addition, a dog hair in the soup is not, shouting ''you're the lucky winner'' when one of your guests finds one at a dinner party is not big or clever. Must do more dusting.

My resolution is to think up a resolution that I won't quit after two weeks, completely forget what it was half way through the year and that isn't as boring as loosing weight I mean who really wants to give up chocolate?

My ridiculous and not quite so ridiculous resolutions...
1) This year I will teach Aidan the Alphabet with the help of the Innocent smoothie magnets
2) To stop getting myself worked up when said 3 year old jumbles up said alphabet
3) Have fun writing funny messages in innocent magnets

1. Do a headstand every day to give my feet a rest
2. Dance whilst doing the housework for excercise
3.Pretend that I have lost the tv remote control, so that I can watch 'my' programmes

1. I will quack like a duck at least three different times during a day of my choice.

2. Only eat white snow

3. I will always wear swim fins to the supermarket and act like everything's perfectly normal.

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; He who makes one is a fool.

1) To stop using my breast milk in my partners tea for my own amusement.
2) Be more sensitive and always buy size 8-10 clothes as presents for friends (even if she is obviously a 14).
3) To have something named after me - preferably not an incurable disease or planet threatening meteor!

1. Tell Bowie we think there might have been life on Mars, but not any more.
2. Do the time warp everyday
3. Continue building my collection of Veg Pot covers!
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To Stop picking my nose whilst waiting for the Traffic Lights to Change!!

1. Start diet
2. Stop Diet
3. Start Diet

1:I will stop playing the Nintendo DS in the bathroom at work. Really, I think they are starting to get suspicious when I take twenty minute bathroom breaks. They must think I have irritable bowel syndrome.

2:I will stop yelling at inanimate objects. The toaster doesn't seem to darken my toast any faster, and the traffic lights don't turn green when I command. These objects must be brain dead.

3:I will be a millionaire on Farmville. Who says farm coins aren't real?!

1. Cover every obscene word graffiti'd in public with a picture of a banana. All the cool kids are doing it.

2. Learn to play the koto and speak fluent Japanese to sneak myself into world music events

3. Convince 10 random people on the street that I am an ice sculpture

1. Visit all 7 continents this year, despite only having 14 days annual leave left to visit the remaining 5 in! :/

2. Actually take up running as exercise not just to futilely chase after a train thats already started moving ... or maybe just stop chasing moving trains!

3. Stop surreptitiously watching planes take off and land from the coffee shop, upgrade my camera lenses and become a fullblown plane geek! ... until it rains or the bosses catch me not doing any work!

And of course to continue to drink a ridiculously large amount of innocent smoothie every day in the hope that it will make up for the chips/pizza/chinese/kebab ...

I resolutely resolve to live my life as an Innocent orange. Sunbathe each & every morning & shower in the afternoon. 2012 is the year I get juicy!!

1. Enter more competitions
2. Don't think to much
3. Umm that would be breaking item two

1. Stop snoozing the alarm clock.
2. Don't set the alarm clock.
3. Drink Innocent juice for breakfast instead of Redbull @_@ (to stay awake or healthy?)

1. Stop trumping in front of my mother in law and blaming it on the dog.
2. Stop sending texts that say 'You smell of plops' to random mobile numbers.
3. Stop picking cats up in the street, knocking on their owners doors and trying to claim a reward when they're not even lost.

My resolution for 2012 (and for evermore) is to NOT LOSE MY CAR KEY on the open moors in the Peak District which is what I managed to do on New Year's Eve (on a run, not a drunken meander!). I shall also spend more time on the hills looking for lost car keys (as they are very expensive to replace).

1. Stop convincing myself that chocolate counts as one of my 5 a day because it is made of cocoa, which comes from cocoa beans, which are fruits
2. Lose a few pounds by getting my other half to hide them somewhere I won't think to look
3. Tell a better joke than the one about the Scottish man getting run over by a train and being chuffed to bits...

1. Drink more Innocent Juices whilst standing on my head on top of Snowdon
2. Stop counting calories - I'm not gonna eat any less just not count them - if I don't count them they don't exist - simples.
3. Perpetuate the cool new trend for Orange socks - wear them everyday (no matter how stinky they get)ensuring they live on FOREVER!!!!

Stop putting my toes in my mouth.

Stop collecting lady-birds, its cruel.

Lose a bit of weight (from my chin).

1, My new year's resolution is to lose just enough weight so that my gut doesn't jiggle when i brush my teeth.
2,Spend less than £975 for coffee at Starbucks this year.

3,Talk with a robot voice all the time

1. Stop procrastinating ... (I think I just might start next month)
2. For my new year’s resolution I will stop using Facebook as the primary communication method with my husband & kids
3. I will not spend as much time worrying about life, but rather worry about the reasons why I feel compelled to stop worrying

1. Be naked in a big city (without being arrested)

2. Cook something that doesn't spontaneously combust and result in a meal of carbon in its purest form.

3. Stop buying clothing that is a size too small but will 'fit perfectly when you've lost some weight.'All this means is that I have no clothes to wear, which will eventually result in resolution one becoming a neccessity rather than a choice.

Resolution 1) To break more rules.

Resolution 2) To quit while I'm ahead.

1. actually eat all the chocolate i got for christmas before easter and eat all the chocolate i get for easter before my birthday (in july)
2. SHARE my chocolate instead of not eating it and convince everyone to stop buying me it!
3. try a new cake recipie every week instead of making the same 3 over and over no matter how good i think i am at making them, take the risk and make a bad cake for once!

to make sure i have replaced the lid on my inocent smothie before i shake it so as i do not have to clean the kitchen like i have just done

1. Learn to time travel.
2. Once learned, only use time travel for good.
3. Once morals are abandoned, use time travel to play more hilarious pranks *mutley-esque laugh*

to make sure i spend all my money on things i want and sod the things i need

1.Find a way to make money by watching funny cat videos on youtube.

2.Graduate from university and to then for one day dress up in tin foil, learn a walk from ministry of silly walks and walk around telling people that I am from the future and that this is how everyone walks in the future.

3.And finally learn an instrument, write one song play it live once and retire from an outstanding musical career. (So I could then go and talk about life as a famous musician to all my friends)

1. To forget the diet and eat a bacon butty instead (every morning, without fail...)
2. To finally follow Willow Smiths advice and whip my hair back and forth...lots
3. To eat a (candy) apple everyday and keep the doctor away...just not the dentist

This year I will:

1. Prepare myself for the end of the world by wearing an aztec feather headress and slaughtering harmless exotic fruit to appease the apocalyptic gods to spare me.
2. Bake more pies with funny faces on them.
3. Eat more fruit (possibly the funniest of the lot.)

1. Really need to stop thinking that if I ask innocent enough they will appoint me a distributor ( and I can drink them all myself! Cheap smoothies!)
2. Try to remember that when I'm in the jacuzzi and pass wind. The bubbles don't just vanish and not everyone is a fan of 'smell roulette'
3. I can't make innocent cheaper than innocent or make it taste as nice! Must stop filling fridge with exotic fruits!


1. Work on my Maths skills and my diet -Write down random barcodes from bottles of Innocent juice, add them all together divide by the number of varieties of drinks that Innocent make and then eat that many varieties of fruit.

2. Recycle - Carefully peel off labels from Innocent containers and redecorate my bedroom with them.

3. Relax - Lie down regularly on a bed of bananas for a relaxing snooze after drinking a smooth Innocent smoothie.

1) start crime-fighting trio (failed- never found the third person)
2) Learn to play Greensleeves on the harp (failed - harps are surprisingly expensive and lessons hard to come by. They seem to be played exclusively by angels and fauns)
3) Hula-hoop on top of Mt Kilimanjaro (Successfully completed in 2010!)

1. Catch The Road Runner

2. Find that person who 'let the dogs out'

3. Find the 2nd gunman from the grassy knoll

1) to learn how to fly
2)not eat any sweets for a whole year
3)save up to but an aeroplane

1. Stand on my head once per day (not in a super-flexible way, just your bog-standard headstand).
2. Whilst doing this, try the following: drink something (using a straw will be acceptable), try eating something.
3. Eat a teaspoon-full of cinnamon.



1. To not make any New Years Resolutions

2. To try and convince everyone that making a new years resolution, not to make a new years resolution, isn't actually a resolution.

1. Stop going on the internet during works time
2. Stop my wife wearing my t-shirts and leaving 'D cup' imprints in them
3. Dont sent any more emails to the HR department telling them that all you want for xmas is a proper HR department.

1. Say the right one out of "Tiger" and "Lion" when trying to describe something that's like a large cat (I find this surprisingly difficult).

2. Learn to sing. I've seen the X Factor auditions, how hard can it be?

3. Just like the T-Rex, become a wise and just ruler, eating only those who question my authority.

1. I aim to have at least 1 whole nights sleep, undisturbed from my 3 lovely angels (cough)

2. I promise not to moan at my husband all year!

3. I promise to lose all my baby weight and be a size 8 by the end of the year! (I am a size 8 beneath all this fat, ashame you cant all see)

I just want celebs to STOP bringing out these fitness DVD'S, I am sure my boss will put my work on hold as I cannot be in till 10am as I am waiting for my personal trainer and he/she is running late, YEAH RIGHT!!!!!

1. Refrain from saying 'my bungalow has no storage' and own up to the fact that i'm bloody untidy

2. Don't accidentally let on to my son, that Mr Tumble and Justin Fletcher are the same person

3. Get over my hatred for cling film and use anger management skills when only being able to find one slipper

I resolve to:

1) ensure I stop having the first half of a conversation in my head before finishing the rest off with my husband -this causes much confusion and mis understandings

2) to drop 'women' logic - you look nice dear, don't I normally? type of thing

3) to be half full even when I feel like the Sahara desert

1. Stop thinking that Taylor Lautner is going to read one of my tweets, fall head over heals in love with me and fly me over to America so we can live happily ever after until the end of time.
2. Build a machine that can transport me to Australia so I can spend weekends with my family.
3. Learn to function without my heating being on full blast.

1. Learn all of the words to Rapper's Delight, so that when someone asks for a cool party trick I actually have something cool I can do.
2. Learn how to cook so I don't spend the rest of my life eating cereal.
3. Try not to get addicted to more TV shows, because I spend way too much time watching them and not studying already.

My resolution is not to make a resolution. Oh sugar! I've just failed!

I don't normally make resolutions but one is "try to avoid making stupid choices which result in a full-on allergic reaction". I'm allergic to fish and certain sweet manafacturers use fish gelatine - marshmallows are usually the culprit.

This lasted all of two hours when I was offered a Marshamallow just after the New Year and took one without even thinking about it, about five minutes later got the first symptoms of a full blown allergic reaction thankfully a pill sorted it out but any longer and I would have had to inject myself.

1. I've given up coppers completely, not the police men type, the annoying small bits of change that I save for an entire year because people say "think of all the money you'll save" I know how much it is, its about £30 a year. Im going cold turkey and giving them to charity boxes or suspiciously leaving them on shop shelves.

2. Im going to celebrate the end of the year in style with a resolution to have an apocalypse party

3. Just in case its not the apocalypse, I better eat more fruit and veg too.

1, I resolve to only enter competitions I want to win (would anyone like a twin pack of therabands?).

2, I resolve to stop referring to that co-worker I don't like as 'Schnorbitz'.

3, I resolve to stop using my husband's toothbrush when I can't be bothered to buy a new one of my own.

1. Be the fore-runner in getting orange as a trendy colour (using my fabulous innocent socks as a starting point).
2. Start my own traveling puppet show (using aforementioned sock, should #1 resolution not work out).
3. Train to touch my toes (sure to become an Olympic sport in the future and I can then use afore-fore-mentioned socks as my official uniform).

Stop using the lick the last bit off the plate, when I've eaten something I've really enjoyed. Like a certain Anton Ego in a certain Rat movie it's the one habit I have that I REALLY shouldn't! But when I like something I LIKE something.

This should be closely followed by not trying to get my tongue into the top of my bottle of Innocent juice to get that last tantalising bit of pulp out....I don't have the tongue of a cow and I should stop trying!

My new years resolutions -
1. Not to get emotional when watching Jeremy Kyle show- actually change that to NOT WATCH the jeremy Kyle show

2. stop blaming bottom burps on the child or the dog

3. Not to tell people that I speak fluent spanish because i've watched a few episodes of Dora the Explorer!

1. Become astronaut (currently not astronaut).
2. Prove to wife that I am stylish by being in magazine that knows about that sort of thing.
3. Create a nail biting ending by accomplishing it all with only seconds to spare to the end of the year, thus ruining previous resolutions in the process.

1) Take up gold digging
2) Seduce a rich man
3) Get a pre-nup

I promise to eat more shiny!

To no longer sing in public (usually on the bus) very loud.

to embarrass my children all the more by singing loudly and off key in public when I am with them :)

draw a map of the kitchen so that my husband knows where the washing machine an cooker are so i can have a day off

This year in 2012, providing that the Armageddon does not occur and by default make my hard efforts all but wasted I shall:
1) When not drinking juice but tea, I shall use my Christmas 'Tea Lily' in every cup I drink although it takes time to fill the little blighter. It is worth it because it is a plastic lily - that floats in tea. Win!
2) I shall periodically give my sibling a break from randomly turning round to him and asking if 'monkey want nana?' This may be a particularly good resolution as through the brief breaks more humour may occur when I do do it.
3) I shall attempt to teach the cat RoRo (Rolando, Roland, Raymond, he answers to none so it depends on your mood) how to land on all 4 feet when he has attempted to jump from the roof of the car to the roof of the house rather than instead ending up sliding down the windscreen comedy style, legs akimbo. I may then move onto teaching him not to relieve himself behind the kettle, for all our sakes, not least the Tea Lily's.

Resolutions for exciting months

1. Cook one new different kind of cuisine a month
2. Learn one new skill per month - January has been deemed "learn real use of numchucks" other than holding them and looking cool
3. Attend at least one fancydress party a month... hopefully including one with a Alice in Wonderland theme and hopefully with someone who could go as TweedleDum, or else i may look silly.

1) Remember: Milk may be an essential source of calcium and Vitamin D, but this does not, unfortunately, make chocolate a necessary food group. Likewise cider. An apple a day may well keep the doctor away, but probably not when it's been processed by a brewery.

2) Remember: If my neighbour wants to do stupid things - don't ruin his - and my own - fun. If he thinks it's a good idea to use an old dish sponge instead of an oil filter for his car engine, it's nothing to do with me.

When it backfires - literally - stand behind closed windows (to protect the lungs from the thick black smog) and enjoy the hilarity of "I told you so" from afar. Likewise, when he uses a pint of petrol to start a BBQ. Stand well back and enjoy the bemusement on his face as his clothes line catches fire.

3) Keep the doors and windows closed and check the coverage on the fire insurance.

1. Don't talk about New Year's Resolutions.
2. Don't talk about New Year's Resolutions.
3. Don't talk about New Year's Resolutions.

Every year I make resolutions. Every Year I fail.So this year I intend to:

1 Gain weight

2 Binge drink more often

3 Eat more chocolate

Become the world's greatest darts player by completing the following:-

1. Eat 10 pies with 10 pints minimum a day
2. Go bald
3. Invest in 10 tonnes of gold and then put as much on as possible. Bling.

Underneath, we are all the same

I am going to stop drinking warm wine!
I am going to get a bra that actually fits me.
I am going to go skydiving with my dog!

1)to not fall on my face again on a drunken night out - especially if it's a work do

2) to learn one big word from the dictionary everyday - u never know they might think I'm a genius

3) to start smoking just so I can say after 1 cigarette that I successfully gave up smoking

1. To economise and shop at the 99p Store instead
of Poundland.
2. To stop eating Jerusalem artichokes as they give me terrible wind.
3. To investigate who buys IAMS Hairball Control cat food....

1. Due to The Financial Downturn I will shop at The 99p Store, rather than Poundland.
2. I will stop eating Jerusalem artichokes as they give me stench ridden wind.
3. I will call for a public inquiry into the claims made by IAMS Hairball Control cat food.

This year i WILL...

Learn how to hang a picture, im 31 and still get my mum down to do this for me!

Take my neighbours wheelie bin out for her more often... she does mine all the time - she is 81 I am 31!

Go a cultural holiday to HK or India, instead of going to Ibiza every year, rolling out nightclubs at 8am and generally still acting 18- not cool!

Lee x

1. Find out if the sky is real and not just a sheet of blue paper
2. To confirm that when you are really high above trees, they turn into brocoli
3. Find out why the sun doesn't wear sunglasses

1)pack in with the OCD with the checking doors are locked at bed time (need the sleep more!)

2)think more about others
( does think instead of doing still count?)

3) Stop looking at other women and hopefully feel less jealous because their bum is a lot smaller than mine!

1. Stop smoking - yeh, right that'll be the day!
2. Get fit - what for?!
3.Get debts cleared up - so i can have a good old spend up again!

1. Understand the point of twitter and use it to my benefit
2. Take the nail varnish off that has been on my toes since March (NOT kidding I must have magical toes)
3. Cut my hair for the first time in about two years so it is not a massive frizzball and gets in the way of everything I do

1.Try to find out where the sock monster lives in my washing machine and get back all the odd socks so I can wear pairs again
2.Try not to burn everything I cook
3.Learn to hum instead of singing, so I don't clear a pub on karaoke nights.

1.Stop sniffing the hot spoon when I'm making a brew !

2.Stop blaming it on the dog!

3.Stop shouting at my television when I see something I like!

1. Stop getting drunk at work parties and telling people that I hate my manager - she's bound to find out one day

2. Stop getting drunk at work parties at snogging people I work with - it's starting to get a little awkward in the office

3. Learn to say no to free drinks at work parties - I suspect this may also help me achieve resolutions 1 and 2...

In 2012 I resolve...
1. To be totally organised before my baby arrives (only 4 weeks to go, how hard can it be?)
2. To get a full night's sleep every night even after it arrives (if you don't laugh then you haven't played the parenthood game!), and
3. To be the most patient mum ever hahahahahahahaha

1. To communicate more face to face with my husband instead of via Facebook (especially when he's sitting next to me!)

2. To stop calling my son, Mummy's little soldier in public, Got to face up to the fact he's 30 this year!

3. To take up a new hobby - bungee jumping sounds good - the rope NEVER snaps does it?

1. Apply for the job of Stephen Hawking's voice technician - Mum always said I had a loud voice and used it too much.
2. Build an ice rink in the back garden - a sure fire way of bringing us a barbecue Summer.
3. I will not go through the rubbish to make sure my sons haven't thrown away socks, keys or the fruit out of their lunch boxes.

1.Save time and my energy by using the car at all times for short journeys even when visiting next door neighbours
2. Put my TV on really loud to annoy the neighbours whilst at the same time remembering to switch my hearing aid off so I can't hear when they knock on the wall to complain.
3.Wait until its pouring with rain then go into the garden for a natural shower as this would save on my water bill and my embarrassment of being seen naked

1. Amuse boyfriend daily by hiding dog's biscuit under fridge door where she can't reach it.

2. Amuse dog daily by eating boyfriend's secret back-of-fridge chocolate bar & watching him explode.

3. Amuse self daily by staying in bed while dog and boyfriend go walkies at 7.30 am!

1. remember to stop trying to milk the bulls on the farm

2. Replace bull horns with bells because they hurt your bum less

3. stop wearing red whilst doing the above

1. Give people birthday pressies that arn't bog-standard box of chocs, pound shop smelly sets.

2. Stop being like a walking advertisment for Failblog

3. Stop pretending I'm an owl in public. The head bobbing has got to stop.

To promise my Mum I will eat sprouts next Christmas
I will become the best in the world at something - anything!
and thirdly I will be more strict with my cat who turns me out of "MY" chair!

lose weight! the same every year
walk to do the school run, always running late.
make the boyfriend cook dinner!

1. To ensure that I look up the meaning of the word moderation
2.To throw away 'pre cut' low fat labels that have somehow got attached to their full fat equivalent products
3. To ensure that when I do smile during a typically hectic day, that it comes across as a sincere gesture and doesn't send colleagues running for cover in abject terro!

1) Think before I speak so I don't end up saying stupid things to my boss like "Was cutlery invented when you were younger?" and "I don't think I have ever seen a pregnant bird"

2) Avoid headbutting the bakery window waiting for it to open so that I don't end up in casualty with concussion again

3) Remember to close the blinds when I am doing zumba in my pants at home.

To stop getting angry at romcoms.

I will become vegetarian and give up eating Wookies...too chewy!

I will help my boyfriend determine which conspiracy theories are true starting with building a rocket and sending him to the moon so he can see for himself whether the moon landings were true, still working on how to send him back in time to see whether an asteroid did actually kill off all the dinosaurs and so on....

1. Grow more vegetable spaghetti (it's a real veggie).

2. Give my chickens more squeezy cuddles - you never know, I may squueze out more eggs.

3. To stop feeding the parrot jelly beans!

my only new years resolution is to defo drink more booze.... didnt drink enough last yr...

To be a better housemate to my long suffering friend.

1. Learn to cook something other than mince ('spicy' mince doesn't count apparantly)

2. Don't lend out her "Anne Summer's 'Britney' air hostess costume to a male friend to wear to a Tarts & Vicar's party without asking'... 'actually just don't touch her clothes in 2012 full stop"

3. Get a job so that I "can buy my own milk, shower gel, butter
olive oil
reggae reggae sauce
Die Hard DVD
exercise ball
advent calendar
industrial stapler
tooth floss
itunes account
porcini mushrooms & truffle oil"

... oh no wait - I have a job!! Remember to "buy housemate the above" and "NO! Button mushrooms will not do!"

2)Think of a new year's resolution
3)Enter Innocent's competition

1. Stop filling the expensive bottle of brown sauce with the shops own brand to fool kids.
2.Stop borrowing other people's juice from the works fridge and start buying my own.
3. Come clean to the kids by admitting to them that the ice cream man doesn't play his music to signal he has run out of ice cream.

1. stop squeezing spots so much
2. To stop eating potato wedges on their own for dinner
3. Spend more time in sheep slippers

1. Stop eating so much cheese
2. Refrain from picking up free newspapers that people have left on the train
3. Stop telling myself i am going to keep to my new years resolutions, as I say that every year!

1.) Stop hiding behind strangers to avoid pigeons, thus quelling stalker/freestyle bump-n-grinder reputation.
2.) Stop shaving legs, as evidence suggests a life of spinsterdom has parked its butt in my yard.
3.) Stop pretending that new 'feels like waking up in a cloud' feathery duvet is viable excuse for oversleeping & being late for everything.

1. live for today
2. let tomorrow take care of itself
3. don't get chewed up over whats passed

1. I will stop buying clothes and therefore have to walk around naked. (The perils of throwaway fashion!)
2. I will be as enthusiastic as my dog about going for walks in the rain.
3. I will try and live on Planet Earth for a least 5 days of the week.

1. If someone hasn't got a smile I'll share one of mine.
2. I'll never share my innocent smoothies with anyone. (They are too good to share!)
3. I'll stop helping myself to a share of other peoples Innocent Smoothies and buy more myself.

1. I will stop biting my toenails when rearenders is on.
2. I will put tissue paper down the loo before I poo so others dont have to hear me 'plop'
3. I will not deny being the one to wipe my bogeys on the wall and getting the kids in trouble :P

Use sugar instead of sweetner

Aim for 5 - 6 Units perday (The more the merrier eh?)

Feed a panda

1. to stop laughing when my baby farts
2. to spend less time on the internet
3. to stop inspecting my hair in the mirror hoping the grey ones will have disappeared!

1, Lose Weight
2, Eat less
3, Drink More (to stop me eating more) drink has less calories am I right?

1 Stop buying clothes for my teddy bears.
2 Only eat chips once a month.
3 Stop buying garden furniture (I live in a flat.)

1. Only eat white snow.
2. Train squirrels to become my secret band of ninja assassins.
3. To name a planet Bob!

I made 3 resolutions this year:

1. To bake more delicious things in my new kitchen

2. To stop eating so many carbs

3. To stop thinking that Lurpack counts as a healthy butter substitute...

I don't think these mesh well together....

1: Play a Prank on my husband every day
2: Shave my dog so she looks like a lion
3: Drink innocent smoothies through my nose

First one, to not press that snooze button, forget it even exists, instead begin each day with a rendition of a Kylie song from her album 'Ultimate Kylie'.

Second, refuse any help with the housework. I am a woman, I can cope with working, bringing up the kids, shopping, cooking and cleaning without any help what-so-ever.

Third and last, to not get upset when the washing machine eats yet another sock. It's nothing personal, it's not out to get me, it just happens.

1. Stop entering silly competitions on the internet.

2. Stop licking the lamp posts when we've had a frost.

3. shave my legs more than once a month

Stop drinking orange juice after I just brushed my teeth.

I will stop drinking Innocent Drinks.
I will actually work from home.
I will get dressed before lunchtime.

1. I will forget dieting and instead make friends with people who make me look slim.
2. I will look into eating healthily (with a view to starting in 2013)
3. I will join a gym (one day I might actually go as well)

1. To ensure that I never answer the phone if I see that my mother in law is calling.

2. If she does call, blow raspberries at the (hopefully unanswered!) phone whilst passing the phone straight to my partner.

3. To drink a whole carafe of Innocent juice in celebration of not having spoken to her or to drown my sorrows at her hearing me blowing raspberries at her if I answered by accident...

1. Learn how to sew on sequins.
2. Pick the random fluff and small lego out from between the floorboards
3. Eat more bacon.

1. To keep up exercising, squats while you brush your teeth does wonders for your thighs!
2. To stop using exclaimation marks after each sentence!
3. To learn what all those abbreviations on facebook mean; I thought lol was lots of love for ages!lol

1. To stop using bad language.
2. If I am going to use bad language only use words beginning with B.
3. To enlarge my vocabulary of words beginning with B.

Get my photo taken in five interesting places

Learn a decent party trick

Break a record

To be healthier and eat more fruit!!!! Hmmm... If only there was a way you could help!! Hint hint ; )

Drink more orange juice

win the national lottery

go back to 1955 with a time machine using 1.21 jiggawatts

Become England manager

1. Build the rocket with my Children
2. Fly to the moon in the rocket.
3. Bring back the cheese......

1. Stop shouting at the kids (broken this one already - first day back to school - me: "GET READY NOW!" - them: "urgghhhh..."
2. Get up earlier so I can actually enjoy an Innocent Smoothie for breakfast - they're usually gone by the time I get up (get up earlier - no chance, I'll just have to buy more!)
3. Lose weight (never managed yet, and it's been on the list for thirty years - maybe the drinking more Innocent smoothie option in number 2 might help though...)

1. Find a Toxic Spill and become a superhero
2. Marry Jennifer Aniston
3. Declare war on Switzerland

1. To realise that facebook isn't a religion that I need to follow... well religiously

2. To love my neighbour (but then again his wife is bigger than me and a bit intimidating.

3. To not procratinate, although I might leave that one for another time.

I will
1. Pay for the gym but only go once or twice each week!
2. Eat healthily if that includes biscuits, the odd packet of crisps and bits of chocolate.
3.Laugh more... even if there's nothing to laugh at... like the Joker!

1. Stop using Wikipedia. Start learning stuff elsewhere, for a change. Google allowed, thank God.
2. Stop farting in public places. Even when I think it's unlikely I'm caught.
3. Walk upright, that way I'll be slightly taller so my height becomes the same as Sandra Bullock's instead Paris Hilton's.

1. Find out why you use that rabbit!

2. Get my own talking rabbit.

3. Have 2 of my 5 a day...that's 1 innocent smoothie. (tiny squeak and twitch of nose.)


My three resolutions for the new year

Are perhaps a little silly to be talking about on here.

But I quite fancy winning some new Innocent juice

So I will let my tongue get a little loose.

My first resolution is to save water by taking less baths

I will stock up on deodorant. It costs less do the maths.

My second resolution is to stop wasting so much food

I will take up smoking to cut the hunger pangs and improve my mood.

Last but not least my third thing on my mind

Is to start comping full time and leave the working life behind.

So there you have it. My resolutions for twenty twelve

You can send my juice with the elves

1. spend less quality time with my family.

2. forget about budget and planning. It's the year to spend, spend, spend.

3. focus less on others and focus instead on ME! After all, I AM amazing!!!

1 - Stop trying to straighten bananas.

2 - Always keep people guessing.......

3 - ........hehehe

1. To be chubby and happy.
2. To kill all vampires and scupper their world domination.
3. To have parrots internationally acknowledged as the super intelligent, aggressive, vain, dinner stealing, cute and loveable gits that they are, whilst they take over your home and allow you the pretense of still being in charge as you have the benefit of paying the bills.

1. Stop fantasising about offering Alan Sugar a job just so I can fire him.

2. Stop believing the weather forecasts that promise this is the year of the endless summer bbq's, just because I want it to be true.

3. Accept that 'that' haircut does not, never has, and never will make me look like Jennifer Aniston.

1. Befriend a pigeon, as they're bound to come in handy one day when mobiles don't exist?

2. Learn to talk backwards, it confuses people and makes brilliant code!

3. Discover ways to eat a doughnut in one go...

Make use of all of the fast food leaflets that come through my front door

Buy and eat more birthday cakes

Stop smiling at random babies on the bus

1. Learn to spell butter!
2. Accept that the cat has to climb the curtains every day.
3. Stop finishing off the punchlines of other people's jokes.

1. Wear more hats!
2. Not to care if my nail polish gets chipped
3. DEMAND more hugs!

I have given myself resolutions that are incredibly easy to achieve so that instead of the usual crippling shame I feel great about myself:

Number one: take down the Christmas tree before August

Number two: start 'pug fund' with the aim of being able to afford a pug at some point in the next twenty years

Number three: never eat more than five packets of crisps in one sitting (this one will actually be quite difficult looking at my past behaviour)

1. I will listen to whatever music I want as loud as I want when ironing and not give a damn about the hubby and kids' complaints

2. I will hoover naked if the urge takes me instead of fighting the urge.

3. I will stop pretending to be my own answering machine when answering my phone

1. Sabotage as many New Years Resolutions as I can.
2. Realise I have to not sabotage New Years Resolutions in order to complete my New Years Resolution.
3. Get stuck in a circle of resolution hell because I created a paradox and the world will now end.

(P.S. Your smoothies and drinks really are ever so yummy)

to enjoy each day as it comes; sunshine rain or snow. To lift my face up and smile at whatever or whoever. Life - what a glorious gift - enjoy it!

My resolution is to drink more non-fruit fruit smoothies....yes?

Despite being a woman, I have naturally course, thick dark hair all over my body that takes good couple of hours twice a month to remove. This year I've decided to go natural and grow a mustache!

P.S. I'm known for setting up fashion trends!!

Given that my news year resolution to take up running has ended up with leg gigantism after I sprained my ankle, my new years resolutions are never brilliant.

However, my top three stupidest were:
1. To combine exercise and routine tasks - squats while teeth cleaning, yoga poses while washing up.
2. To be able to do the splits even though I am certainly too old.
3. To start each day with a smile and bounce out of bed at 6 even though my sleep/wake cycle is naturally 2am-10am.

Needless to say, none of these have been accomplished so maybe I'll try something easier and less athletic like learning to read a different language. I've always wanted to learn Braille....

1. to stop believing that eastenders characters are real, before Phil kneecaps me!
2. to stop thinking cherry cola counts as one of my 5 a day
3. t get the letter fixed n my keybard

So, here are my resolutions for this year :

1. The next time a really sweaty person sits next to me on the bus , I will not spray them with my deodorant as It got a really bad reaction last time ... That's what you get for being helpful these days!

2. When im in a job interview and they ask me my name , this year I will not start singing "Whats my name " by Rihanna . And in case you are wondering , NO , I didnt get that job.

3. Lastly I'm going to make sure I don't drink a whole bottle of innocent juice everytime I do something wrong . Unfortunately , It doesnt make you act innocent ,but it tastes pretty good .

1. To take a mud bath.
2. To stop misusing apostrophe's.
3. To tell my boyfriend I love him as often as I tell our dog.


1. To become Christmas Number 1, about time someone came out with a good Christmas song.

2. Score a goal at Fratton Park (Portsmouth Fan)

3. Get a job with you guys? Maybe asking too much. If not a crate of innocent would be nice.


1.Get out of breath once a day.
2.Think of different ways of getting out of breath.
3. Wow! Get out of breath twice a day!

1 - Stop reading Autocorrect sites on my iPhone when I'm trying to breastfeed the baby to sleep - epic fail when I laugh so much milk comes out of HIS nose.
2 - Stop telling eldest son that if the ice cream van plays music, then that means it's run out of ice cream.
3 - Find a cure for perpetual mummy tiredness (Innocent Smoothies, perhaps?) as the last time I fell asleep for 5 minutes, the boys had climbed onto the kitchen table, sprinkled salt everywhere and were attempting to do some kind of toddler tequila shots with the orange squash.

1. I promise to stop laughing at vegetables in the supermarket. Shopping is becoming tiresome.

2. I promise to be kinder to halibut. They have a hard enough time negotiating gradients.

3. I will try really hard (though cannot guarantee) not to drink all the Innocent Smoothies, put the empty cartons back in the fridge and blame the kids. I need to rebuild their trust. I will blame the wife instead..

1) Learn Esperanto
2) Track down and read a copy of 'Fly-Fishing' by J.R.Hartley
3) Become a Scout leader and convince Kate Middleton she's marrried the wrong bloke (<a href=""></a> I will show her my woggle if necessary

It kinda got me thinking all these New Year resolutions,
Smoking over weight and smoking are there any solutions?
I've had my wrinkles sorted and my teeth are now quite straight so resolution 1) would be to reduce the portions on my plate!
I need to give up smoking and it makes me kinda pong
I actually really hate it and so number 2) would be stop the fags as stinking is just wrong!
So the last one I must decide
to make some other rules,
sort myself out, getting fit I've got all the tools!
I've had a wii fit and never even stood on it
and the Zumba still in it's box unused
needs to come out and and my body be abused!
So number 3) just has to be to get fit this year or when I run with the Olympic Torch I'll be stopping for a beer!

ok, so these are old ones that i made when i was 8 after listening to the 'wise words' of my older sister, but they stayed with me until 2 years ago when at the age of 26 i realised they were slightly irrational and highly ridiculous ...

1. refust to eat fish, they wee in the sea.
2. refuse to eat eggs, they come out of chickens bums
3. refuse to eat mushrooms, they're mouldy.
1. dont

1. Win this competition.

2. Learn to count to 3.

1. Never get caught acting like a grown up in public - disgraceful behaviour which must stop immediately

2. Randomly break into song more - it makes people smile

3. Give hugs to people who look like they need them

I will stop sending e-mails to my husband
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I promise to:
1. Join the gym and attend regularly, enjoy it thoroughly, and under no circumstance make any feeble excuses to get out of going.
2. Never gossip about anyone ever again.
3. Keep a secret no matter how juicy or earth-shattering it is.

1.I will tape velcro to my bum - I'm going stick yo it :0)

2. I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

3. I will learn what the heck "resolution" really means

1.I will tape velcro to my bum - I'm going stick to it :0)

2. I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

3. I will learn what the heck "resolution" really means

lol typing error on my above comment I apologise think I should have added spell check everything before clicking send ....doh!

1. I will tidy up after myself.
2. I will eat less chocolate.
3. I will stop kidding myself that I will ever keep a New Years resolution.

I am going to wear every single item in my wardrobe (even if it doesn't fit or it means wearing flip flops in January)

I am going to keep a journal (even if I make up 50% of what i write)

I will not buy any new tolietries until what I own is in single figures.

Here are my resolutions
1. I am going to start eating more healthily when all the foods that taste so yummy are actually good for you.
2. I am going to join the gym when every piece of equipment in there does not require you to bend or move.
3. I am going to cut down on texting when humans lose their opposable thumbs.

1.)stop swinging around the trees doing la la la when in parks with my hubby.
2.)Only eat White snow.
3.)lose weight by living on the moon.
4.)I will declare my cat as dependent on my taxes.
5.)I would like to take to zombie twilight film less seriously

1. i will not get out of bed until the cat tells me.
2. i will hula hoop everyday.
3. i will sew that button that fell off my cardigan last year.

1. Get a dog (preferably a pug, which I would call Babette)
2. Get more exercise by taking Babette for twice daily walks
3. Read reading to the dog?

1) to drink more smoothies! (but not to many I dont want my toilet roll consumption to go through the roof)
2) to be kind to bee's but not wasps, as they are nasty!
3) play more ukulele, the neighbours may not like it, but I do!

1. Dot the i's
2. Cross the t's
3. Become a man of letters!

1) I will not sit in my living room every Sunday in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my laptop into the bedroom.

2) I will not bore my boss by using the same excuse for being late/taking sickies. I will think of some more excuses.

3) I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I'm planning to eat every part of a cow by the end of the year, eyeballs and testicles included.

1.Stop calling the children by the dogs name.

2.Eat more veg beginning with the letter Z apart from Zuchini.

3.Pretend Im innocent because im clearly not you are !!

1- will go to bed at 8pm every night
2 cook at home every day.
3 wuld not buy a new shoes this year.

To stop picking my nose (I save the boogies and make them into balls and say to the children if you dont eat your sprouts you will have one of mummys special balls)
To stop farting, as my farts are that strong they call me the lady killer
To stop thinking that I have seen a pink and blue flying elephant

1) Stop falling in the stairs.
2) Stop receiving pigeon droppings on my head when I leave the tube station.
3)Stop calling a pigeon a pigeon when it rather looks like a featherless chicken.

1. Be in bed by 10 and home by 12.30
2, be more like a father to my wife...the farther away the better.
3 Take the kids swimming...once to alligator park

Am posting mine again cos I can't see them - looks like they didn't upload :-(

1) To stop using my expressed breast milk in my partners tea for my own amusement.
2) Always buy friends clothes in size 8-10, even if they obviously won't fit, to give them a confidence boost.
3) To convince someone to find me two identical snowflakes. They say no two are the same - but has anyone ever looked?

1. crush
2. kill
3. destroy

1. I resolve to give up sharing.

2. I also resolve to stop listening to my neighbours argue whilst hanging out of the bathroom window.

3. I will no longer pretend that I am James Bond around my house when no one else is home (and Im a 30 year old mother!)

1. Find a way to cure my Custard Cream addiction.
2. Actually find the end of the rainbow,I've never seen a leprachaun & always wondered if the coins are chocolate ones??!!
3. Try every bar of chocolate invented before apparantly the world ends on 21st december 2012!!!!

1. To stop watching CBeebies when the kids aren't around!
2.To stop telling the kids that innocent smoothies are 'mummy's special drinks', i will actually share them this year.....promise!
3.To tell my children there isn't actually a toy fairy its me sorting their old junk out!

1. Stop sending post to my sister's next door neighbour. Maybe I wont have to apologise to them AND the postman next year...
2. Stop sending "signed for" christmas parcels to "the Trampoline Elf" and "the house of christmas future". Amused postmen, not amused recipients, especially when aforementioned neighbours.
3. Realise that not EVERY special occasion requires face paint, gene simmons, david bowie and a ninja turtle.

Who the hell am I kidding?!!

1) Eat loads
2) Drink loads
3) Lose weight :D

Going to claim I'm mental while traveling, so I get free accomodation in different cities - makes travelling cheap although I never see much of the places!

Gonna tell people I'm a model with a serious face, to watch their disbelief while not wanting to laugh in my face!

Gonna do a hand stand in inappropriate public places to prove I'm alive and that I am still a freespirit and not just conforming with society!

1) I will not assume full fat fizzy drinks don't have any calories as they are liquid and therefore slide off.
2) I will remember to tie a knot in something to remind me not to forget something and then remember what the knot is for.
3)I will keep all my New Years resolutions (surely the most ridiculous of all!)

Happy New Year :)

1. Wear cheesecloth permanently so ironing can become obsolete.

2. Only eat chocolate during months with a vowel in the spelling.

3. Spend at least 30 mins a day exercising ( or at least feel guilty when you don't)

1) Train hard to be able to fight off zombies in the event of a zombie apocalypse

2)Build a tree house so I have somewhere to hide in event of failure to fight off zombies (see point 1) (Note to self, find out if zombies can climb trees)

3)Build a spaceship in case of complete failure of resolutions 1 & 2

I will not buy shoes, clothes and chocolate every week

I will look forward to going to work everyday

I will not nag my husband!

Further to my comments above, I will give up telling fibs!!!

1)realy know those wolf whistles are not for me but the 21 year old beauty walking behind me.
2) stop trying to share a bed with gorgeous lodger under the guise of saving on heating bills
3) stop trying to share a bath with gorgeous lodger under the guise of saving water

1. Not to clean the windows, cus it does the window cleaner out of a job.

2. To hide hubby's shoes - he will get his 30 minutes recommended exercise a day if I hide them well and I will feel better for helping others.

3. Grow my own veg, (good for exercise too), and eat lots of it - it tastes good with red wine :)

1. Become World's Strongest Man
2. Carry my car to work
3. Cut down on fuel consumption!




1. I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future

2. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant

3. Gain some weight I think I caught a glimpse of one of my ribs in the mirror yesterday

1. Stop pretending to a be a banana so much
2. Practice pretending to be a strawberry
3. Get out more

1, Not to be so innocent and just go for it
2, to hug more people wearing orange
3, to remeber that tropical innocent is not the same as the water in my tropical fish tank

I am going to start jogging but wearing silly clothes to make me smile.
I will stop thinking eating chocolate is good for me.
I will stop hoping work will do itself

1. Get my book made into a movie

2. Get book published

3. Start writing book...

1. To clean my car, this might be possible within 365 days but am not holding my breath!!!
2. To stop ironing vests and pyjamas!! Why do I do this??
3. To remember a multipack of crisps IS NOT 1 bag of crisps......

To realise that it is better to be sorry than safe.

1. This year I will hold a roller disco on the moon every Friday.
2. I will teach the cat to play the banjo.
3. I will provide more oxygen for the rest of the world by holding my breath all year.

This year I will become a world famous billionaire virtuoso and buy an island and portfolio of properties (get a job and pay off rent, take up the guitar - maybe).

I resolve to buy top of the range exercise bike and pay extortionate credit fees for it to sit in garage and go rusty - I can go out there now and again and just stare at it
I also promise not to sign up to a gym paying £40 a month to meet my mate to go the pub - should really just go straight to pub
Promise I will keep buying underwear 2 sizes too small knowing i cant take them back

1. I will make a new years resolution.
2. I will make a new years resolution.
3. I will make a new years resolution.

Learn to fly. Unaided.

1. to sit down and actually watch TV - something I hardly ever do!
2. learn to do a backwards somersault
3. eat Marmite at least once a week!

This year I will fly to the moon in my paper aeroplane, wearing my teeny weeny polka dot bikini, whilst learning to play the trombone

1. Spend more time in water than a fish.

2. Eat only blended carrots for 6 months

3. Wear only a spiderman costume on days ending with y.

stop telling my guitar i love it it keeps crying

release a song that makes justin beiber quit

learn how to play guitar

1) Find a funny bone and club myself with it to help me think of funny competition entrys.
2) Get a tan better than Jordans by bathing in Innocent orange juice.
3) Grow a mustache! so i can hold on to the yummy taste of Innocent drinks for longer, (ok it may be a hard one to keep, might have to glue a bit of carpet under my nose!)

1) I will win over 72% of all competitions I enter this year.
2) I will win 84% of all innocent run competitions I enter this year
3) I will win 100% of any "top 3 most ridiculous New Year's resolutions" caption competitions I enter this year.

1 - I will stop over-estimating my own abilities

2 - I will learn to fly without the use of a plane, because i'm that awesome

3- To get over the guilt of failing my first resolution I will drink more smoothies to feel Innocent once again!

1. wear my uniform backwards once a week so people wont know if i'm coming or going.
2. perfect eating a raw egg with chopsticks
3. dont brush my hair for a month

1. Try to be even healthier than an Innocent smoothie!.

2. Dont laugh at jokes that I dont really find funny.

3. Just be cool.

1) Grown an Orchard in my back-garden

2) Set up a packaging plant in my garage

3) rope all my relatives into squeezing oranges on a 24/7 basis for free.

see where this is going?

1. Instead of trying to get thin, I will feed all friends as many of my homemade cakes as possible so I'm not the "fat friend" anymore.
2. I will create a teleporting machine so I can visit my bestest best friend every day as she's moving hundreds of miles away, instead of being across my road :(
3. And for my final and most likely (*PAH*), I will do all my work for uni as I get the assignments rather than leaving until midnight the day before, spending all my time on Facebook entering competitions instead! :D

1.... Stop stalking people i dont even like on facebook
2. Stop prank calling my bessie friend pretending to be random people / clinics etc... i think now she somehow knows its me and its not as funny as i think
3. Try and end my obsession with Nick Knowles, there is only so much DIY SOS i can watch with out it being slightly weird

1. Stop licking frozen flag poles

2.Lose weight by inventing an anti-gravity machine

3. Switch my username to “password” and my password to “username” to make them harder to figure out!

1. To trim my toenails with my teeth more often.
2. To sleep at least once a day cos I already do it once a night.
3.To get a laid before my birthday.

1. I will enter every competition I see.
2. I will win every competition I enter.
3. I will begin by winning the Innocent Juice Blend competition ;)

1. Stop talking to the cat and then answer myself on their behalf.

2. Stop wearing my bright blue witches hat and go back to my cat ears one.

3. Stop. No honestly just stop. I must learn to stop in time and not run people over with my electric wheelchair, and then listen as they apologise to me!

The worrying part, is that all of the above are true... I'm in trouble.

1)stop trying to convince myself that spending £400 every few months on my 1year olds clothes is a worthy way to spend money!!
2)stop buying myself useless designer products that i dont need just because they are pretty (yes i did buy a vivienne westwood 2012 diary!!)
3)stop spending approx 4hours a day thinking about/eating cakes the reason im getting rather large is not because i gave birth 18months ago its because i eat way too much cake!!
nb these are actually my real resolutions i know people laugh when i tell them but its the sad sorry truth!!
ps i would love to win but if either of the new flavours contain banana please dont choose me as im allergic n would rather someone got some pleasure from the innocent (if i dont win tho i may have 2 make myself feel better by eating cake and buying useless designer products!!)

1. Learn to play the harpsichord with my toes.
2. Perfect speaking to Siri on my phone so it knows what I want the first time.
3. Learn to dance salsa and make salsa at the same time. Multitasking!

1. I will stop licking my boyfriends face when Im bored and just say Im bored
2. I will become a penguin because seriously they are the cutest thing ever (and I want to be the cutest thing ever)
3. I will try and hold a tomato (I burst out in tears whenever I touch one its a fear I need to overcome because I cant keep asking people to take tomatos off things for me)

1. To try every fruit in the world
2. To make life easier become like Barbara Good, and grow everything (except the adventurous fruit) and make my own cheese, milk thus reducing the hell trips to the supermarket with 2 young children.
Or 3. Take up internet shopping and order my innocent smoothies instead!

1 learn to count
1 improve short term memory
1 learn to count

1. Stop getting so many girls.
2. Stop eating children.
3. Stop lying

1. To get sprayed by a skunk on 3 occasions.

2. To listen to people when they're talking to me instead of just nodding and then having to blag a reply.

3. To follow 1. with a trip to tescos to buy all available deodorant and count the people who recoil.

1. Learn to count

3. Overcome short attention span


1. This year I will invent, patent and implement a new transport system for London, involving hover boards
2. I will learn the ukulele and be invited to join Lady Gaga on her next tour
3. I will join the gym and form a new group of superheroes the likes of whom have never been seen before

due to being horrendously addicted to juices of all varieties i have decided i need to cut down on my juice drinking before i develop some form of juice induced diabetes.. this has caused me to only drink juice necessities. sadly this has lead to anything with raspberry, blueberry or kiwi being desperately devoured by me in a matter of seconds.

1 Not create stupid resolutions
2 Not go on a Costa Cruise
3 Not buy Costa Coffees
4 Use the money saved in 2 & 3 to buy Smoothies

1.Take up armpit sniffing
2.Greet new people with 'Hello I'm Poo Queen, but you can call me Smell Face.
3.Finally get round to digging to Australia.

1. Become a stunt Pope and take on the more dangerous duties of the pontiff (like opening supermarkets by jumping through plate glass windows).

2. Open a retirement home for elderly goldfish.

3. Make the first unassisted trip to the moon via trampoline.

1) Tidy my room
2) Find the Higg's Boson
3) Learn to fluently speak every language including extinct ones

A. Eat 3 cream crackers in 1 minute (Sounds easy doesn't it? Give it a try - but not after your mum has hoovered because that won't make her very happy)
2. Learn to enuciate so Siri can understand my Glaswegian accent "Do I need an umbrella" is not "Denny Columbia".
C. To stop reading "a few squares of dark chocolate a day is good for you" as "a bar of dark chocolate a day is good for you". No, wait. Eat more dark chocolate and compensate by drinking more Innocent Smoothies. WIN/WIN.

i will stop counting my husbands grey hairs and losing count.thats one he picked for me ha ha ha

1. Stop licking frozen lamp-posts

2. Lose weight by inventing some sort of anti-gravity device

3. Change my username to 'password' and password to 'username' to make them harder to work out!

My NY resolution for 2012 is to start seeing both sides more than Stevie Wonder does ;-)

1. Get a psychology degree

2. Master the art of persuasion

3. Marry Rihanna

1, adopt a dinosaur
2, make a million pound in a month
3, stop annoying my cat ( never gunna happen )

To stop drinking Innocent juices! Nah, that's too ridiculous.

1. I will stop collecting cats. I have six. They eat a lot.

2. I will stop grunting out loud in exercise class. The instructor keeps looking in my direction each time. I avoid eye contact.

3. I will stop wearing my leopard print onesie pyjamas to answer the door. Been rumbled by the postman far too many times and it's now getting awkward.

1. Save the world from bad breaths with mints.
2. Get hold of an astronaut suit.
3. Get caught on TV wearing the astronaut suit around town!

1. take more notice of junk mail... one may actially be from a real prince who needs my help.
2. share each and every piece of chain mail i get. i dont' seem to have any luck... maybe my ignorance of these matters is why.
3. sell my soul on ebay. i think maybe someone out there will take better care of it than i...
4. dye my hair... but only the roots. and a different colour each time. so i will be beautifully stripy.
5. eat proparly... peanut butter with a spoon not fingers. nutella with a spoon... not fingers. soup with a spoon... not fingers.....

1. Get my Village twinned to the moon (like <a href=""></a> )
2. Win the Oylimpics
3. Come Runner up in the Oylimpics as well

1. Will invent away to eat without getting fat.
2. Will limit the amount of time spent staring aimlessly at the computer screen to 5 hours a day
3. Will write a story about a monkey made out of cheese, as have not found one yet and need something to refer to when calling people a cheese monkey!

This year, I promise to:
1) Drink more Innocent juice than I can throw a stick at (I'm a terrible shot).
2) Stop thinking, once I've had a few too many, that I am fully able to perform the Dirty Dancing lift in public.
7) Learn to count :)

1. to stop believing that people are essentially sensible
2. to live life through the eyes of a toddler at least once a week.
3. to steal biscuits and eat them out of my Great Danes bowl in the same way as he steals toast off my plate.
4. to paint each room of my house in smoothie colours and name the room after the appropriate smoothie tropical room instead if bathroom etc

THREE:take my kids to the park 3 or more times a week.its exercise for me thats gota more fun then a bike or sit ups! (no one needs to know im enjoyin the monkey bars as much as i do!

1. To finally get my tattoo I have been planning for 3 years!
2. To party more, whilst also trying to stay a little more sober to remember it haha!
3. To maybe drink less inncocent as... Actually scratch that, I see new flavours... BRING IT ONNN! :D
4. To stop making resolutions as I will never stick to any of them xD

1. Stop using LOL in text and FB comment replies!!!!

2. Start putting egg shells in the bin and not back in the egg box which only became a habbit because i realised it annoys the hubby!!! lol ... ( oops failed already on resolution no.1)

3. stop using exclamation marks at the end of every sentence!!

Hmmm... ridiculous New Year's resolutions you say...

1. This year, I solemnly swear to invent a time machine

2. To travel back to 2011

3. To tell past mum to tell past me to enter this competition (I couldn't possibly tell past me directly - that would just be ridiculous)

... hang on a second... I must've done it!

1. To swim faster than Michael Phelps
2. To enter the olympics, because I have learnt to swim faster than Michael Phelps.
3. If all this fails I will marry Michael Phelps

1. Conquer sleep

2. Learn the secrets of alchemy

3. Base jump from the top of Big Ben

1. Get everyone in the world to walk in the same direction at once, counter to the Earth's rotation, to see if we can make it slow down a bit.

2.Confound the scientists by proving the 'Big bang' was more of a tentative whisper, using only toilet roll tubes and a bent wire coat hanger.

3. Make 3 tiny blindfolds and find 3 mice and a farmer (married). Borrow his wife and see just how easily said mice chase after her. I promise to leave their tails intact though.

1. Go fishing using just my teeth
2. Eat upside-down once a day only
3. Find my hamster

1. 'High five' at least 1 monkey every week (the same monkey cannot be counted if high fived twice in any given 4 week period; however, multiple high fives with the same monkey are encouraged.

2. When I was 5 I wanted to own a pyjama shop in my local shopping centre - this year I resolve make that dream a reality.

3. Sing along, out load, to every song I listen to regardless of: location, time of day, proximity to people and whether or not I'm wearing headphones.

1. Achieve childhood ambition of becoming a hand model - my mother tells me I don't have the face for runway

2.Learn sign language to further communication skills and develop secret gossiping tool

3. Refrain from using shoe polish in hair after dodgy dye home jobs

1)find some crazy people out there and do the Psych scene with me : <a href=""></a>
This could be so hilarious! Anyone?

2)cheering and running around my garden hyperly for the new released innocent new juice blend. :P

3)I'm gonna go out and ask "Hey, haaaaaaave u met me?"

to lose weight
to get more exercise
to be more realistic

1) To grow my neck longer than the Giraffe that stole my banana.

2) To find aforementioned Giraffe and steal HIS banana.

3) To try and trip a Giraffe up on a banana skin. Preferably the banana thief. Teach him a lesson or two I will!

My most ridiculous resolution would have to be to actually FOLLOW THROUGH on all my previous new years resolutions! Oh the hilarity.

1. To invent a way of eating without all the bad stuff happening.
2. Stop getting embarrassed when people spot me dancing in the kitchen and instead embrace my madness.
3. Write a story about a monkey made of cheese as I have not yet found one and need something to refer to when I call people a Cheese Monkey (best insult ever).

My Top 3 New Year' Resolutions:

1. Enter more competitions. The more I enter, the better chance I have of winning =)

2. Lose as much weight as/if not more than Posh Spice (Size 0?! HA! I want to be Size -1!!)

3. If above 2 fail, drink enough alcohol to forget that I made New Year's Ress....Rezzzo....Resh......hic! *collapse*

1. go to the gym twice a week so that i become big enough to karate chop a panda in the face for not mating
2.tell innocent to make an alcoholic fruit punch or maybe a cider that is 1 of your 5 a day
3.throw an apple at a pig

1. Invent a genuine Bat phone, made with real bats.
2. Score the winning goal for England in the European Championship finals (ha).
3. Learn to drink innocent smoothies through my nose so I can have three at once.

1. Make a fortune by becoming the creator of the opposite of a smoothie, something unhealthy and untasty,
it will probably be called a Lumpy
and no doubt will contain chunks of lard.

4. Invent a new system of numbers where I can put two and two together
and come up correctly with 4 thousand 7 hundred and 6 and a half.
(This will have the added bonus of helping me spin the initial 'Lumpy' sales figures)

789. Invent lard lite with only half the calories of lard,
using the new numerical half thus making a higher fat 'Lumpy-lite' to appeal to dieters
and use up the extra lard left over from poor 'lumpy' sales.

1/2. Retire!

1. Break the landspeed record in a clapped out Corolla in a field
2. Learn to speak dog fluently
3. Do a pre modernist post classical conceptual interpretation of the sistine chapel on my bathroom ceiling using household cleaning products, shower gel and toothpaste as mediums

1. Go to the moon

2. Become an astronaut at some point (not necessarily in that order)

3. Lunge wildly at the pope (just to see what would happen)

1) phocopy my bum daily so I can see how much weight I lose by
2) dancing in public and singing loudly whilst listening to my mp3 player
3) only eating cake with fruit in or on it, chocolate is made from fruit, yes?

1. Build my car into a spaceship and go for a holiday to the moon.

2. Ride a polar bear...

3. Run away from the polar bear!


1. Buy dresses one size too Big then I will think I have lost weight

2. think about exercising every day instead of doing it

3. Become a millionaire by this time next year

1. Never eat a lychee again - they are kangaroo testicles in disguise.
2. Never eat a kangaroo testicle - they may be a lychee in disguise.
3. Stop standing in fire places while shouting 'Diagon Alley'

1: I will stop knitting scarfs to match the woolly hats on Innocent Smoothie bottles and randomly wrapping them around bottles in the supermarket
2: I will support the British Olympic team at all the events no one wants to go to , I will bring banners and a megaphone to make them feel loved.
3: I will share ( well try to ) my Innocent Juices with the family ....actually on second thoughts they can earn some Innocent fruit juice by doing chores round the house

1) To smile at least once every day, because frowning gives you wrinkles
2) To build a really big net and catch the moon, and see if it really is made of cheese
3) Stop pretending the TARDIS is materialising in my room when I should be working. It isn't. And even the Doctor couldn't get you out f handing in the essay due tomorow...

1. Go storm chasing! I mean come on! Who doesn't want to?

2. Read all future 'Terms & Conditions' however long they are...... (Hang on, are there T&C for this competition?)

3. Learn to play Tube under water!

I meant Tuba!

1. I will learn to speak Klingon
2.I will speak to the king of the wall people and finalise that peace treaty.
3. I will say no to my grandchildren at least once a year

1. Stop scaring next doors cross eyed cat.
2. Go into Waitrose and shout "Tess Cosis-Cheeper"
3. Think No.2 will rule me out of the competition!

1. I'll try super duper hard to wipe that smug look off my really, I will. honest I'm not looking at you that way

2. I will stop saying,” Ooh, that feels nice” whenever the security guys frisk me at airports....I know you totally want to as well lol

3. I will train my cat to dry dishes, the dog already washes them.

1. eat 300 dry cream crackers without licking my lips/drinking any water
2. eat 2 donughts without licking my lips
3. loose weight whilst attempting points 1&2 (this may not work if I have to attempt either more than a few times!)

1. to stop eating all of the foods i am allergic to, really need to kick that habbit. get a new job before my last £10 runs out (im down to £7.84).

3. to buy some innocent juice, yum!

1. To be the same weight I was when I was born

2. To be able to swim as deep as a dolphin

3. To achieve my childhood dream of being able to fly

1 - Learn to love bananas so that I can drink more innocent smoothies and become queen of the Fruit people, the distant cousins of the more famous and unhealthy Oompa Loompas.

2 - Join in the trend of knitting cosies for inanimate objects by knitting a cosy for my house to be styled on those old-fashioned loo roll dollies.
People will come for miles to see my massive knitted doll sitting on a house. I'll be on the local news and everything!

3 - Be the first person to send tourists in to space by turning a rocket ice lolly into an actual rocket. Take that Richard Branson!

1. will invent calorie free chocolate

2. i will remember eastenders is not real

3. NEVER knit my own underwear again

1. To learn how to speak 47 languages and then travel the world.
2. To rack up so many Good Deeds that I become an urban legend or get Dame'd by the Queen.
3. To keep my room tidy.

1. Become Prime Minister and whip these whipper snappers into shape.
2. Learn to speak Italian and bring renaissance attire back into fashion.
3. Start to spread goodwill to my man by distributing Innocent products to those less fortunate.
4. Stop shaming myself by promoting companies.
5. Raise a teddy bear army... to help me with resolution one.

1.Will hide mobile when drunk

2. Try to stop annoying my brother when I see him (am 40 and been told to grow up.......won't happen)

3.Eat more crisps because potatoes are good for you

1. Stop keeping on and on at my dad to close his mouth when he is eating- its time to realise he is a lost cause

2. Its time to close some of my 11 bank accounts, having around £5 in each doesn't make me rich

3. Stop drawing rude things on people books in lectures. Im 22. It not big and its not clever.. haha who am I kidding. It's a talent

To fly to the moon on my banana shaped rocket and sit there drinking my innocent tropical juice while playing angry birds on my iPad!! Haha ;-)

1. This year I will lose weight by hiding it somewhere you'll never find it (or possibly living on the moon)
2. I will only eat white snow
3. And I will learn what the hell "resolution" means!

1) stop
2) start
3) at least consider one of the above

1. stop being a sesquepedalian

2. Change my username to "password" and my password to "username" to stop the hackers

3. Use all 6 email accounts that I have and check them regularly! Failing that at least get the printer to actually print and not flash a no paper or no ink warning

1. to stop working
2. start claiming benefits
3. read more daily mail

I will stop sneaking anchovies into every sauce I make when I know my girlfriend hates them.

I will stop pretentiously speaking Italian to waiters in restaurants when I know very little Italian.

I will learn Italian.

1. Make a dressing gown that consists entirely of cheese.
2. Spend a day in every country in the world (to be completed by the end of 2012)
3. Talk in opposites for a week - hello is goodbye, bad is good...

I plan to:
1) Eat more
2) drink more
3) Exercise less.

It's the only chance I have of keeping my resolutions!

1! I shall live life to the standard reqired of a man defined by Rudyard Kipling in 'If'
2! When mountain biking I shall only fall over to the left - to avoid tearing up the expensive bits on the right of the bike
3! I shall get a full and honest answer from a politician on a question that matters

1. To cut down the mightiest tree in the forrest with a herring.
2. To ask people 'What floor?' when they get in the lift and press the alarm.
3.To tell my mum her hair do looks like that of Kevin Keegan.

1) Find the way to Amarillo without stopping for directions

2)Fly to the moon using a spaceship run on pigeon power (by October 7th so as to be home in time for Christmas)

3)Pioneer a mission to discover the whereabouts of all the socks lost in the wash

4) Discover the cure for the common cold down the back of a sofa

5) Start a campaign to rename Monday's 'Bob' so that they feel friendlier

1. Become a street smart, wise ass, snarky yet loveable superhero -- with a cape. A knitted one.

2. Eradicate a rare species - the talking meerkat. Replace with Gordon the Gopher.

3. Devote at least one hour a day to vigorous typing whilst listening to the Murder She Wrote theme tune and conveniently solving a complex murder mystery, despite having little crime solving experience.

1.Learn how to use my mobile phone for more than just calls.

2.Accept that the reason my dog doesn't join in my conversations with her is because she doesn't understand, and cannot talk.

3.Save pots of money by cooking wild plants,nuts, berries and road kill.

1. Walk on my hands to give my feet a rest.

2. Walk backwards down the road to make a change from walking forwards.

3. Stop writing completly unfunny answers to this question.

1)Lose weight by hiding it somewhere I'll never find it
2) I will think of a password other than 'password'
3)Stop repeating myself again...and again...and again

I will never sleep again, not one wink.

I will always run naked , dancing when it rains no matter what.

I will only watch teletubbies until i die on TV

1. Lose weight. Put cookie packet away after eating half of them, not all of them. Do not feel 'deprived' by this.

2. Save money. Achievable by purchasing all my hot drinks from Starbucks, thus not requiring me to pay any energy bills for my kettle.

3. Keep marriage strong and interesting. Do this by entertaining husband with exciting gossip during traditionally boring times, such as football final scores on TV.

1 To help other people lose weight, by eating all the chocolate the world can produce myself - obviously everyone else will the drink many more innocent drinks to help ease their sugar cravings.

put one eyebrow up,then the another one,wahay

1. To be a size 12!!!
2. To get my hair cut properly!!
3. To not poison my hubby with my cooking!
4. To not enter any competitions!
5. to win this prize ....... damn already broken number 4!!

1. Get bigger boobs than Jordan, then try not to fall over with them....
2. Continue with the theory that if it dont work....HIT IT!!! (works everytime!)
3. Tidy my room more...and make it stay clean for more than about 30 seconds :) If can go sit in the naughty corner.....

This year i am going to be creative with innocent smoothies and have a smoothie face mask every week. Your smoothies are packed with magical fruit compounds called polyphenols, that have been shown to reduce the appearance of wrinkels. So why limiting myself to only drinking this amazing stuff?

1- To not make any resolutions that I can't keep!
2- To learn how to ride a bike to keep fit whilst holding chocolate in one hand and milkshake in the other?!
3- Never to walk backwards and fall down a manhole cover..

Oh well, and resolutions 2&3 would be to read my emails/posts before pressing the send button.

1.To lose weight... by moving to the moon (NASA haven't returned any of my calls thus far!

2. Bring back disco in my local nightclub (I have the perfect flares)

3. To holiday in Minnesota to see the largest ball of twine rolled by one man (extraordinary!!)

i am going to loose weight faster than david cameron is loosing his hair

1: To stop blaming the kids when i trump
2: To stop blaming the dog when i trump
3:,To stop blaming the patients at work when i trump

1. Walk from Lands End to John O'Groats, dressed as a turnip.

2. Become Doctor Who's next travel companion. It's been on my bucket list since I was 4 years old and I'm 36 now - it's about time I got up off my rear end and made it happen!

3. Come up with an ingenious way for Innocent to make fruit pots that are different from other fruit pots on the market, as promised at the 2011 AGM, leading to a job offer at fruit towers and eventual world domination.


1.Always make a note of where the dog has buried his favourite toy.I might get some peace then.
2.Don't take the dog for a walk in a park with a big lake and then I will not have to spend 5 hours trying to coax him out the water.
3.Look for a new dog.

1) Watch Citizen Cane past the first ten minutes (I feel like a moron, because everyone enthuses about this film ... it just makes me fall asleep).

2) Stict to a candida diet ... no sugar, bread, fruit, grains, potatoes & lots more (actually, it involves not eating or breathing at all. Guess me & candida infestation are sticking together in 2012 ... Anyhow, Candida makes me feel like I have millions of close friends ... a bit like face book!).

3) Turn myself into the tv character Barbara Good from the Good Life & untilise my garden & me to our full potential (thankfully we have a Tesco just down the road or we could very probably starve to death if left to my green fingered skills).

1) To buy a new office chair that doesn't sound like the apocalypse is coming when you sit on it.
2) To put my keys somewhere memerable instead of losing them and looking everywhere including the toilet to find them.
3) Avoid facebook as a form of procrastination, there has to be better forms of procrastination than reading updates about mindless drivel like how someone's toaster fell off the table making her want to cry.

1. Not to take a bite of my friends cake when she goes to the toilet.
2. Eat more fruit in vain hope that I will produce less floaters.
3. To stop hiding money up my sleeve when dividing it out before playing monopoly.

1) To finish my University assignments at least a week before they are due in

2) To not tell my boyfriend the movie we are watching is something he'll enjoy, when in fact I know he will hate it.

3) To stop thinking that eating haribo cherries, makes up my 5-a-day

1. To speak using only words that start with the letter 'i'

2. To only eat foods in their raw state - no exceptions, I can't wait for chicken and rice day :-)

3. To streak through the office at work at least once a week

Wooo, new smoothies. :D

Resolutions for this year.. hmm..

1. lose weight.. * gain enough weight to get on Biggest Loser

2.I will read the manual for all my new appliances.. when i find it.

3.Stop repeating myself.. again and again and again.

Happy be-lated new year to all. :D

1. Raise b*m from computer chair, dress self in appropriate clothing for outdooors and go for walk in fresh air.
2. Do not show inner feelings of panic at being confronted with Soooooooo much fresh air.
3. Resist temptation to rip open packet of biscuits and eat entire contents while kettle boils to make reviving cup of tea after return from aforementioned fresh air outing.

1. run the marathon backwards
2. speak moomin to every sales call i get
3. stop trying to make hay while the sun shines

1. I will stop "trolley surfing" down the aisles of supermarkets to embarass my kids.
2. I will stop trying to feed the dog's chocky drops to my stroppy 11 year old when he annoys me.
3. When in a room where tea is being served, I will resist the urge to put the tea cosy on my head!

1) Stop stalking George Clooney, although I'm sure he likes me really
2) Try to pat more tramps on the head
3) Learn to understand the language spoken by BT customer service representatives

1. Stop buying umbrellas - it is a scientific fact that I never have one with me when it actually rains...
2. Always leave 5 minutes before or after I initially intended to - maybe then I will not "just" miss the bus
3. Start a petition to add another hour to the day once a week - maybe that will be the day I finish my "to do list"

1, I will eat a bicycle made of jealousy.

2, I will massage the ego of Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

3, I will drop a kangaroo onto a trampoline to see if they cancel each other out.

Stop buying worthless rubbish on Ebay just cause i think its a bargain

ponder why i need 6 email addresses

Drink more innocent smoothies (defo keep this 1) lol

1. Think my self thin........... I am 15 stone so I am not thinking very well.

2. Do more surfing...........of the net.

3. Carrot Cake is one of your five a day right so i will eat more of that

1. stop blaming my 3 year old for "that smell" in public
2. actually ring in work sick when i am sick, not just for a day off and having to do my "sick voice" over the phone
3. get some decent jeans that cover my builders bum that i have had for the past 5yrs+ which get really offensive whilst gardening!!

god i sound like a vulgar bridget jones!!

1. to get two of my friends to start smoking so i sont feel so guilty.

2.i must stop drinking on a sunday evening,whats monday like without a hangover ?

3,not to get angry when i phone a call centre and have to press every BLOODY number on my phone pad only to be told im held in a very long que and have to listen to crappy music then when i finally get to talk they dont speak BLOODY english see im getting angry now huh

1. Paint a picture of every pudding before I eat it so that I appreciate it more.

2. The ruder the customer, the nicer I shall be in return (this does not mean I should be mean to nice customers as this would be counter-productive)

3. All running will now be done crab-style, using side-stepping for propulsion.

1. To laugh everyday on a regular basis
2. To make other people laugh on a regular basis
3. Learn how to become a professional stand-up comic

It's all as easy as ABC..

A. Stop making late resolutions passing them off as early ones for next year.

B. Start questioning whether anyone else making resolutions have any real hope of sticking to theirs.

C. Join me in my campaign to ban New Year altogether, thereby removing the cause of the problem in the first instance.

1. To run all three half marathons I've signed up to backwards, wearing running gear made of recycled innocent boxes.

2. Insist that the history of juice is a suitable topic for my dissertation, so that I can write about how much I love innocent.

3. Put on 50lbs, so that I'm not so cold during the winter!

to realise wine doesnt count as one of my 5 a day

to eat more chocolate :-)

to get a life!

1. To go back in time and find out what was my New Years resolution last year was.
2. Finally meet the Chuckle Brothers (somehow).
3. Everytime someone say's "init" to response with "is it".

1. never leave the house without checking i am for once wearing a pair of matching shoes
2 make sure i have removed the label sticker from the back of my jumper
3 eat more cake

1. Drink More Innocent Drinks
2. Create a New Product range for Innocent
3. Get a job taste testing at Innocent!!!

1. To use things up from cupboards. I am currently sporting white nail varnish and for lunch I had a really nasty instant pasta thing. They couldn't have been much worse even I'd eaten the nail varnish and smothered my fingernails with pasta.

2. To be more tolerant of people who think that handbags are more interesting than cheese.

3. To stop spending so long trying to come up with something funny to win some Innocent juice when I know I only really come across as funny wierd and not funny haha.

1. Stop making lists
b. Be more concise and accurate
7. Leern to spell

1. for every 2 steps i take, take one back
2. smile widely and wave at everyone i meet in the street
3. for every time i forget, bounce around for 5 minutes

1 .sleep upside down more

2.walk everywhere in reverse during working hours

3. start a local fan group for 90's hip hop legends Kris Kross and promte the wearing of clothes back to front in business settings

1) When I was 13 I vowed to stop scraping my hair back & slicking it down with copious amounts of hair gel, so the 'rents bought me a crimper. I used the bloody thing on my whole head then thought it would be a brilliant idea to brush the lot through afterwards. School photos were being taken the next day..

2) In my sad little mind I created a new yearly event with one of my school chums & called it 'Best Friend's Day'. That same hour we had an argument, threw a couple of cheeky slaps & both ran off crying. I'm glad I didn't think up Christmas.

3) The most recent new years resolution I've made was this year to lose all the baby weight I've got casually hanging around. It's never gonna happen. I'm a huge fan of pork pies.

It's all as easy as ABC..

A. Stop making late resolutions passing them off as early ones for next year.

B. Start questioning whether anyone else making resolutions have any real hope of sticking to theirs.

C. Join me in my campaign to ban New Year altogether, thereby removing the cause of the problem in the first instance.

It's all as easy as ABC..

A. Stop making late resolutions passing them off as early ones for next year.

B. Start questioning whether anyone else making resolutions have any real hope of sticking to theirs.

C. Join me in my campaign to ban New Year altogether, thereby removing the cause of the problem in the first instance.

1. I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed man sits next to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

2. Read those books I bought 5 years ago on "how to improve my memory" ... I keep forgetting to read them.

3. Lose weight by living on the moon

1. To stop wrapping myself up in the duvet at night like a burrito - leaving my boyfriend cold and defeated before he leaves me! *Note- he does try and get the duvet back..

2. To stop pretending I'm shopping online for my boyfriend and hiding my screen while smiling lovingly at him when really I'm buying more shoes for myself.

3. To answer questions in one line, rather than paragraphs... see above ;)

1. to use my blender

2. to use my juicer

3. to scratch numbers 1 & 2 and save one washing up with some luvverly Innocent juices and smoothies instead!

1. Stop buying paper plates just to avoid the washing up.
2. Stop counting fruit cake as one of my five a day.
3. Start going climbing more frequently so I can meet some strapping young men...who can hopefully do my washing up! ;)

By the end of this year I will have:

1) Learned to do extra slow-motion summersaults on the trampoline in the hope that I am upside down for the long enough my freckles will fall off.

2) Learned to touch-type so I can spend less time making study notes and more time poking strangers.

3) Gone for a wee when I need one, rather than moan to everyone about how uncomfortable it is to need one for hours first.

We'll see how it goes :)

1/exercise more.I will walk a mile every day, increasing this by a mile a day. this means on the 365th day I shall walk 365 miles.
2/reduce my carbon footprint... I shall not walk in the ashes any more.
3/I shall save money with budget airlines by wearing all my clothes on the journey, and not waste money on hold luggage.

1.Gain enough weight to get on The Biggest Loser.

2. Change my password to "username" and my username to "password" to fool those pesky hackers

3. Not talk on my phone while in the bathroom doing a number 2

change the toilet roll when i finish the roll.

make the cat do some exercise as hes getting fat.

put all the scatter cushions back on the bed every morning that the wife insists on having.

1. Shave more often!
2. To stop eating chocolate (Like thats gonna happen!)
3. To stop believing that the man of my dreams is going to come along dressed in a Spartan warrior outfit and sweep me off my feet!

1. stop being devilish and be more innocent!
2. spend more money on food than innocent smoothie!
3. love my son more than my innocent smoothie!

1. Stop telling people my name is 'Nasus' (Susan beckwards)cos it sounds exotic.
2. Realising that drinking warm jelly, then sitting still for hours to see if it sets in my stomach isn't ever going to work!
3. No more buying adorable baby outfits for the grandchild I might get one day, which is probably at least 10 years away! This one's gonna be really hard!!

1. To stop using the excuse of 'pregnancy fog' for forgetting to put the rubbish out.

2. To stop using the excuse of 'pregnancy fog' for putting the loo roll in the fridge.

3. To admit it is my wife that's the pregnant one (and my big belly is down to too many mince pies!)

1. I will not leave things until the last minute.
2. I really will not leave things to the last minute.
3. I definitely will not leave things until the last minute.

P.S. Phew - new years resolutions not broken - 30 minutes to spare(Time now is 23:30 on Thursday evening i.e. last day of this competition.) Hee hee.

1. leave feedback on eBay
2. grout the kitchen tiles
3. take up break dancing

1. Get rid of the double chin. A turkey isn't for life, it's just for Christmas.

2. Stop procrastinating - Actually, might have that as a resolution next year. Might be more beneficial then.

3. Establish all people who i was eating for on the 25th of December, and contact them to arrange another date.

1. To not eat a whole box of chocolates/tube of pringles/packet of biscuits all at once
2. To give telemarketers my time of day and show genuine interest
3. To start appreciating the fashion options of tweed

It's all as easy as ABC..

A. Stop making late resolutions passing them off as early ones for next year.

B. Start questioning whether anyone else making resolutions have any real hope of sticking to theirs.

C. Join me in my campaign to ban New Year altogether, thereby removing the cause of the problem in the first instance.

1. To eat a roast dinner in the bath

2. To train my fish to mouth "mummy" when I come home

3. To wear something see through once a month. (To work)

No kicking the bucket like everyone else want to in 2012! Honest the mayans ran out of room on the calendar and died before the next one was made or they just thought sod it it's funny!Start the kick the bucket list! Why not :-) Started too!<a href=""></a>
Learn the bagpipes. And keep the neighbours loving me while I practice in the garden

1. Consume my body weight in chocolate
2. Loose 13 stone.
3. Be the first man to be entirely comprised (by weight) of chocolate

1. Grow
2. Smile more
3. Find a better use for my belly button.

1.stop doing pointless things that waste energy , like pressing the remote buttons REALLY hard when it has no battery...
2.Stop thinking dorchester is a type of cheese
3.use better excuses for Nonsense speech than "its a metaphore"

Little bit of a serious one here which makes a change to the typical "give up chocolate".

I've been suffering with bulimia on and off for about 6 years now (since I was 12). I aim to once and for all fight it this year and eat healthily/exercise regularly/be a generally happier person :)

1. Learn to write with my left hand
2. Set my clocks to the correct time (& not 5 mins faster)
3. Learn the alphabet backwards

1. Ask Jenny for a date
2. Stop judging people by they shoes (dame u mother) but Jenny always wears such lovely shoes
3. Use the exercise machines that I'm currently using to hang clothes

breakfast bars have been nice addition to the kitchen, i would really love to install them at my own home