Des Lynam has more gravitas than your average man. He is smoother than the average man. He is the English Tom Selleck. A prince amongst mammals.
We asked our friends on Facebook how best to describe just how smooth Des Lynam is. These are our favourite suggestions:
"Smoother than a greased weasel" - Steve Parker
"Like a freshly shelled conker" - Rachel Williams
"As smooth as a mannequins groin" - Joe McChisholm
"Smooth, warm and wet...bit like the inside of a lama's cheek" - Richard Kemp